Growing 4 Life

Growing Up

Leave a Comment / March 17, 2011 October 1, 2014

My son wrote an essay for an English assignment the other day. The topic was something like this: “something you have done for a long time and how it has changed as you have grown up”. He picked the topic of a trade show that our family business participates in. In the essay, he shared how, when he was a little boy, he would stand in his company shirt and try to look official, desperately hoping that someone would take him seriously by asking him a question about our company. One day, someone did ask him a question– but he didn’t know the answer. He found out the answer and made sure to know it for the next time.

Fast forward to this year’s show. Not only did he get asked lots of questions, but he knew most of the answers, too. You see, in the natural progression of growing up, he has learned about our company and about the trade. He has become a young man who can talk with others about our company and even our industry quite knowledgeably.

Let’s think about that in light of our Christian walk. How many of us are growing up in our knowledge of God’s Word? How many of us still squirm when we are approached by someone who has a specific problem or question, struggling to remember the location of the verse or even which book of the Bible addresses the question? Or we have a great chance to witness, but we are shy because we are scared we won’t know what to say. When it comes right down to it, we don’t know the Bible. We say we believe it, but we are like that little boy in the company shirt, standing around looking official, but not really knowing our stuff. We may look like grown-ups but we are little children spiritually.

We blame our memories. We blame our lack of time and busy lifestyles. We blame lots of things. But maybe we need to stop worrying about why and just do something about it.

As I write this, I am condemning myself. I have been a Christian, by the incredible grace of God, for a very long time. My knowledge of God’s Word is not in accordance with how long I have been a Christian. I have recently been convicted of this and have made some changes in my Bible study time.

I want to know God’s Word. I want to be able to “always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you” (see verse below). Because let’s face it–God blesses us by using us, but he can’t use us if we aren’t ready to be used. We need to take our focus off of our own agendas and our own busy lives and make some room in our lives to learn God’s Word. We need to stop relying on the little bits of knowledge we may have learned years ago–in Bible school or Bible quizzing or church–and start digging into the word, perhaps even memorizing some passages.

We need to start growing up in the Lord.

1 Peter 3:15
But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;

The surgeon’s instrument

1 Comment / March 14, 2011 March 14, 2011

The nurse held out her hand with the surgical instrument. The surgeon reached out and grabbed it without even looking at it. The patient before him was a young man. A young man in desperate need of a new kidney. But just as the surgeon was about to get started, he glanced at the tool in his hand. It was filthy. Dried blood clung to its surface. There was even a little rust on the one side. He would not be using this instrument. Instead of healing this young man, this instrument would likely cause infection, making his immune-compromised system fight a fight it was unable to fight.

Alistair Begg used this analogy yesterday in a very challenging sermon. The topic was how to prepare ourselves to tell the world about Jesus. And his first main point was this: We need to be a clean instrument. Just as a surgeon would desire sterilized instruments to perform surgery, so God would desire clean instruments to share His message.

What a challenge! Am I clean? How does the world view me?

When people think of me do they think of someone who stands boldly for Jesus? Or do they think of me as someone who will compromise my standards to be popular? Is it obvious I am a believer? Or does the conversation about me when I am not there include sentences like: “I think she is saved…I know she goes to church…She says she believes…she was ‘saved’ at camp when she was 10, but…”

Saying we are believers and acting like it are very different things. And in order to truly be useful to our Heavenly Father we need to live what we say. We need to be different. We need to continually endeavor to be like Jesus. In how we love. In how we spend our time. In standing up for the Truth.

Let’s face it…it is not our words that prove we are a clean vessel, it is our actions. Words without actions lead to a confused and angry world. All of these people say they believe Jesus died for them…but they are not living differently than me. They go to church on Sunday, but they cheat on their taxes on Monday, listen to rap music filled with filth on Tuesday, wear clothing that does not leave much to the imagination on Wednesday, lie to get their own way on Thursday…you get the idea? It leads to confusion and anger because we are saying we believe God and the Bible…but we are not living like it. The worlds asks…why does it matter? Why would I need Jesus? It is a good question. One that should never have to be asked.

I pray that today we would consider what we look like to a lost world. I pray we would reflect on how effective we can be for Jesus in our current lifestyle. I pray that we would be salt and light in a world that needs Jesus desperately (Matthew 5:13-14).

Are You Reading Your Veggies?

Leave a Comment / March 10, 2011 January 12, 2016

We know– and tell our children– that a diet made up of only desserts and candy will lead to an unhealthy body. In fact, in our current culture this has become all-important. We have recognized the need to fuel our bodies with good-for-you things like meat, vegetables and fruits, and healthy carbohydrates. There is little discussion or debate about this.

I would like to suggest that perhaps it is the same way with what we read. If you are not a reader, then I challenge you to think about what you listen to or watch and apply the same principle.

When I was fresh out of college and a young mom, a friend of mine gave me her very negative opinion about the Christian fiction that was so popular (and still continues to be popular). I was kind of offended at the time. When I had the time to read, that was what I read. I filled my mind with stories of lovely damsels in distress finding the perfect guy. But after that conversation, I found myself honestly looking at my reading habits.

Gradually, over many years time, I changed my diet from all fiction to hardly any at all. As this has evolved over the years, I have found that my desire for these types of books has dramatically decreased, as well. Have you ever talked to a person who has changed their eating habits? Several people have told me that they don’t even really desire to eat a lot of candy and desserts anymore (I am still working on that one!). I am told that their appetite for the junk food their body craved dramatically decreased when they overhauled their diet.

I believe the same thing applies to what we read.

I do enjoy an occasional Christian fiction work. There are some great authors out there who use the medium of fiction to not only tell a beautiful story, but to also teach us a lesson or cause us to think (and quite honestly, I do not put these authors in the same category as the authors of the light, fluffy stuff). However, if we are spending hours reading the typical romantic, unrealistic fluff, then we are not only wasting our time but we are developing expectations about life that aren’t real. Oftentimes, we are using it as an escape from the real world. I know this, because I did this. And, just like eating candy, reading like this is fine–in moderation. But, if this is what we are filling our mind with, then it will take up the appetite that should be used for better things–the good-for-us “mind food” that will keep us growing and challenged both spiritually and intellectually.

If you can relate to what I am saying then I would like to challenge you to read (or listen to or watch) more vegetables than you do candy. Read some biblical, sound books that will help you grow in your walk with the Lord. Read some biographies of great men and women. See how the Lord has worked in the lives of real men and women to change the world. My personal favorites are missionary biographies. How my short-sighted view on how God works has been deeply challenged by reading about the lives of believers who took a giant leap out of their comfort zone! Or pick up a good classic and stretch your mind with the vocabulary and the complexities of the story. And soon you will find that you, too, have changed your mind’s appetite for candy along with stretching your mind and growing spiritually.

Dave Ramsey says that in 5 years you will be the same person except for the people you meet and the books you read. How are the books you are reading changing you?

P.S. If you’d like a few suggestions of books to get you started, you can check out some of my favorite books here.

I don’t care what you think.

Leave a Comment / March 7, 2011 March 7, 2011

Yes, you read that correctly. Only it’s not true. I sort of wish it was true. But, even though I may state it emphatically at times…I actually DO care what you think.

I think we all care to some extent. Some of us more than others. Some of us are completely driven by what our parents…or spouse…or children…or friends THINK about us. We are concerned that they like us. We want them to think we are “relevant”, “cool”, or at the very least “intelligent”. And this is all fine and good. But not if it comes at the expense of doing the right thing according to scripture.

Caring about what people think is actually what makes sharing our faith and standing for truth most difficult. At least for me. It is easier to just not say anything. Right? Anyone agree with me? I find it so easy to focus on the present (“they will think I am too radical”; “they will think I am not cool”; “they will think I am narrow-minded and intolerant”) instead of keeping my focus on the Truth as presented in God’s Word.

There are SO many out there trying to destroy the Gospel. Through outright lies in the world or through deceptions labeled as “Christian”. We have to keep going back to God’s Word. We have to KNOW it, STUDY it, and LIVE it. We need to proclaim, as Paul did in Romans 1:16 “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek.”

Only then will we have the confidence to stand up for Christ. Only then can we be used by Him. If we are busy trying to fit in with the world, we will lose many opportunities. If we are busy trying to separate our physical selves from anything to do with the world, we won’t even have opportunities. But if, in contrast, we are busy living lives IN the world but are not OF the world, so that people see that we are DIFFERENT…if we show that we love God and not the things of the world…if we aren’t ashamed or afraid to talk to people about it…if we don’t care what people think…well, that is when we will be most effective for Jesus Christ.

It is all in your perspective.

Leave a Comment / March 3, 2011 August 2, 2014

A dear friend of mine told me of an interesting thing that happened to her recently. Earlier in the week, she had stopped at a fast food restaurant for a quick meal. After she had placed her order, the young clerk asked her if she would like a senior citizen discount. My friend is not a senior citizen. She laughed it off–until it happened again that same week in a different scenario. Only this time she was actually given the discount. She was starting to wonder–was she not feeling well? Maybe she looked more tired than she actually felt?

But her discouragement was erased the following Friday night.

That was when an older lady she had never met asked her a few questions about herself. And then said the glorious words: You look like you are 25. Twenty-five! To this woman, my friend looked like she was 25.

It is truly all in our perspective. When I was a teenager, I thought my parents were OLD. Now that I am the same age as they were then, I still think they are old. But not me. I’m not old. Not yet. And I wonder at my naivete thinking that they were old when they were in their 40s. But I was so young. Not that I thought was young then.

I was thinking that this perspective thing might affect more than how we view someone’s age. Perhaps it transfers into other areas of life. Sometimes we can’t understand why someone responds to a tragedy or crisis in a totally different way than we think we would in the same situation. But perhaps we would respond the same way–if we were looking at it from the same perspective as they were.

A long, long time ago I had a friend who was experiencing some very serious marital issues. I told her kind of flippantly –remember I was so young and rather foolish, too– that I would just leave. I remember her sighing, “You don’t know what you would do if you were in my place.”

You don’t know what you would do.

I have remembered that all of these years. And when I see someone reacting to a situation in a way I believe to be unwise or even just plain stupid– well, I remember what she said. Maybe if I was in that situation, I would do the same thing.

That doesn’t discount our responsibility to confront sin or to come alongside and help our friends. But it should make us much more compassionate and a lot less judgmental.

Today, may we extend compassion to those around us, realizing they are seeing their situation differently than we are. And may we not give senior discounts to anyone who is not a senior!

P.S. My friend is still married to her husband. She wisely stuck it out when it didn’t look like the wise thing to do. I am so glad she didn’t listen to me when I spoke my unwise words–which I thought were so wise at the time.

Feelings…Nothing More Than Feelings

1 Comment / February 28, 2011 February 28, 2011

Do any of you remember that song of…was it the 70s?? I guess you would have to be older than 40 to remember that song. I don’t even know the rest of the song. But that first line…Feelings/Nothing more than feelings…is critical for me to remember today. Maybe for you, too?

I came off of the busiest week of my year (it is like this every year…you’d think I would get used to it!). It is full of preparation and activity and not much housework. When it is finally over and I wake up on Monday morning, I find myself feeling exhausted after all of the activity…feeling discouraged about the housework that is screaming at me to be done….feeling grumpy because I am so tired and discouraged. The question is: will I allow myself to obey those feelings? Or will I obey God’s Word? Will I be short-tempered, impatient, unloving, and selfish? Or will I be long-suffering, kind, and unselfish?

I think all of us are susceptible to giving in to our feelings. They scream inside our heads. Sometimes so loudly that we can’t hear anything else. But if we don’t heed them, it gets easier and easier to ignore them.

It makes me think of Paul and Silas in Acts 16. They were beaten with rods until they had “many stripes” and then they were thrown in prison in an inner cell with their feet in stocks. I can’t help but wonder if…had they given in to their feelings…they would have laid there plagued by discouragement and blaming God for allowing this to happen. I could just see it. “God, how could you have allowed this? We were doing YOUR work and you allowed us to get beaten, thrown in prison? What will become of us? What now? Are we going to die? Are we going to endure more beatings?” They (like I often do) could have stewed about what is to come. They could have (as I often do) dwelled on all the horrible things they had endured and were continuing to endure. They could have blamed God.

But if you read on, you see in verse 25 that they prayed and sang hymns. Prayed and sang hymns. Yes, I wrote that twice on purpose. For my own good. I don’t know about you, but when I am giving in to feelings of discouragement or depression or selfishness or anger, the last thing on my mind is praying or singing hymns (or worship songs!)

I wonder if Paul and Silas sang because they FELT like it…or if they felt like it after they started singing?

And so, today, I hope- instead of focusing on my discouragement and exhaustion…instead of complaining- I hope that I can work above my feelings and be a blessing to my family and friends. I hope you can do the same! Because, after all, they are only feelings. Nothing more than feelings.

Spiritual Wisdom Worth Remembering

Leave a Comment / February 24, 2011 February 24, 2011

H.A. Ironside (1876-1951)
Holiness the False and the True
I have been learning all along my pilgrim journey that the more my heart is taken up with Christ, the more do I enjoy practical deliverance from sin’s power, and the more do I realize what it is to have the love of God shed abroad in that heart by the Holy Spirit given to me, as the earnest of the glory to come. I have found liberty and joy since being thus freed from bondage that I never thought it possible for a soul to know on earth, while I have a confidence in presenting this precious truth for the acceptance of others that contrasts with the uncertainty of the past (p. 33-34).

Robert Murray McCheyne (1813-1843)
Memoirs of McCheyne, edited by Andrew Bonar
The only way to be kept from falling is to grow. If you stand still, you will fall. Read Proverbs 11:28, ‘The righteous shall flourish as a branch.’ Remember you are not a tree, that can stand alone; you are only a branch, and it is only while you abide in Him, as a branch, that you will flourish. Keep clear your sense of justification; remember it is not your own natural goodness, nor your tears, nor your sanctification that will justify you before God. It is Christ’s sufferings and obedience alone. Seek to be made holier every day; pray, strive, wrestle for the Spirit, to make you like God. Be as much as you can with God. I declare to you that I had rather be one hour with God, than a thousand with the sweetest society on earth or in heaven. All other joys are but streams; God is the fountain: ‘all my springs are in Thee’ (p. 48).
Pray much for the Holy Spirit to open your eyes, to soften your heart, to make Christ lovely and precious, to come and dwell in your hearts, and fit you for glory (p. 99).
Let your soul be filled with a heart-ravishing sense of the sweetness and excellency of Christ and all that is in Him. Let the Holy Spirit fill every chamber of your heart; and so there will be no room for folly, or the world, or Satan, or the flesh (p. 110).
You know what true holiness is. It is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Let Him dwell in you, and so all His features will shine in your hearts and faces. Oh, to be like Jesus! (p. 112).

Charles Spurgeon (1834-1892)
Spurgeon on Leadership, Steve Miller
As I sat under a wide-spreading beech, I was pleased to mark with prying curiosity the singular habits of that most wonderful of trees, which seems to have an intelligence about it which other trees have not. I wondered and admired the beech, but I thought to myself, I do not think half as much of this beech as yonder squirrel does. I see him leap from bough to bough, and I feel sure that he dearly values the old beech tree, because he has his home somewhere inside it in a hollow place, these branches are his shelter, and those beechnuts are his food. He lives upon the tree. It is his world, his playground, his granary, his home; indeed, it is everything to him, and it is not so to me, for I find my rest and food elsewhere. With God’s Word it is well for us to be like squirrels, living in it and living on it. Let us exercise our minds by leaping from bough to bough of it, and find our rest and food in it, and make it our all in all. There are hiding places in it; comfort and protection are there (p. 107).

R.A. Torrey (1856-1928)
How to Bring Men to Christ
But how is one to get a love for souls? This question is easily answered. First of all, a love for souls like every other Christian grace of Christian character, is the work of the Holy Spirit. If then we are conscious that we do not have that love for souls that we should have, the first thing to do is to go to God and humbly confess this lack in our lives and ask Him by His Holy Spirit to supply that which we so sorely need, and expect Him to do it (1 Jn 5:14,15; Phil. 4:19). In the second place Jesus Christ had an intense love for souls (Matt 23:37; Lk 19:10), and intimate and constant companionship with Him will impart to our lives this grace which was so prominent in His (p. 9).

John Newton (1725-1807)
Letters of John Newton
But how then may the Lord’s guidance be expected? After what has been premised negatively, the question may be answered in a few words. In general, He guides and directs His people, by affording them in answer to prayer, the light of his Holy Spirit, which enables them to understand and to love the Scriptures. The Word of God is not to be used as a lottery; nor is it designed to instruct us by shreds and scraps, which detached from their proper places, have no determinate import; but it is to furnish us with just principles, right apprehensions to regulate our judgments and affections, and thereby to influence and direct our conduct. They who study the Scriptures, in a humble dependence upon divine teaching, are convinced of their own weakness, are taught to make a true estimate of everything around them, are gradually formed into a spirit of submission to the will of God, discover the nature and duties of their several situations and relations in life, and the snares and temptations to which they are exposed. The Word of God dwells richly in them, is a preservative from error, a light to their feet, and a spring of strength and conslotation. By treasuring up the doctrines, precepts, promises, examples, and exhortations of Scripture, in their minds, and daily comparing themselves with the rule by which they walk, they grow into a habitual frame of spiritual wisdom, and acquire a gracious taste, which enables them to judge of right and wrong with a degree of readiness and certainty, as a musical ear judges of sounds. And they are seldom mistaken, because they are influenced by the love of Christ, which rules in their hearts, and a regard to the glory of God, which is the great object they have in view (p. 81-82).

Anonymous
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, Where can mortal be more blest?
There I lay my sins and sorrows, And, when weary, find sweet rest.
Sitting at the feet of Jesus, There I love to weep and pray
While I from His fullness gather, Grace and comfort every day.
Bless me, O my Savior, bless me, As I sit low at Thy feet!
O look down in love upon me, Let me see Thy face so sweet!
Give me, Lord, the mind of Jesus, Make me holy as He is
May I prove I’ve been with Jesus, Who is all my righteousness.

A Different Kind of Christianity

2 Comments / February 21, 2011 February 21, 2011

My eyes have been opened to something in the last few years. Christianity is more than standing up for the Truth. It is more than going to church. And it is more than giving 10 percent of your income to the church…or to charities. Christianity is more than a desire to please God with our choices in entertainment. And it is more than how we dress. While all of these things are an important part of the fruit a true Christian shows, for some reason I always missed another really big part.

I have missed LOVE. Love for others that is self-sacrificing. Love that is giving at the expense of my time. I first started to realize this lack in my life when I was introduced to some lovely women who showed me something different. They have such hearts of love. They are constantly giving up their personal time, their money, and even some much needed peace and quiet to meet the needs of one another. If someone needs help they are the first to step up. Oftentimes, they even anticipate needs and meet them before they are even spoken.

You see, I have grown up always knowing this is important in theory. And, in fact, my husband and I find giving financially a true blessing. But time? In the midst of our busy schedule? Now that is something else. But how we spend our time is just as revealing of where our treasure is as where we give our money (Matthew 6:21).

This principle became even more clear to us after reading David Platt’s book Radical (Taking Your Faith Back from the American Dream). How are we spending the precious hours God has given us? How are we furthering God’s Kingdom? How are we making a difference for eternity? Is the eternal destiny of those around us important to us? Is there a way we could touch just a few lives by sacrificial giving of our time?

I know it is difficult to feel like it makes a difference. It often feels overwhelming. There are so many needs–both physical and spiritual–here in America and in all other parts of the world. But I remember a story I heard once. There was a father and daughter walking along the beach when they came upon thousands of sea stars. The poor things had been stranded by low tide upon the beach and could not get back to the ocean. The father started throwing the sea stars one by one back into the ocean. The little girl looked up at him and asked him why he was doing that…he would never really make a difference, given the thousands of sea stars still stranded on the beach. As he looked at his little girl he said something very profound: “It makes a difference to the one I threw back in.”

It makes a difference to that one. Let’s look for the opportunities God gives us and step up and embrace them. We all have them every day. Let’s step outside ourselves and offer smiles and genuine warmth to the grumpy cashier. Let’s find ways to volunteer, not only to meet physical needs, but to share the marvelous gospel. Let’s notice the hurting and desperate people that are attending our churches, even if they are bravely wearing a smile. Let’s make conversations with co-workers opportunities to turn the conversation towards eternal things. Let’s not be afraid to speak of our love for our Savior while sitting on the sidelines watching our kids play soccer. Let’s not be afraid to share the love of Christ with our neighbors. And let’s remember that Jesus loved others with his time, his resources…and his life! He loved them so much he wasn’t afraid to offend them by speaking the Truth. His is the only example we have that is perfect in every way. Let’s follow His example as we go about our daily activities today.

P.S. I really recommend the book. Here is a link to cut and paste–

http://www.christianbook.com/radical-taking-faith-from-american-dream/david-platt/9781601422217/pd/422211?event=HPF2

Achy Breaky Heart

2 Comments / February 17, 2011 February 24, 2015

I just finished reading GQ’s article on Billy Ray Cyrus. Not because I love country music. And I can take or leave the Hannah Montana TV show. But our family loved (and still loves) the show Doc, which Billy Ray starred in in the early 2000’s. I was curious to see what he had to say.

I found the whole interview heart-breaking. Truly heart-breaking. Here was a man with lots of talent who had made a lot of wrong choices. But I think the following quote on parenting is probably one that can teach all of us something:

“How many interviews did I give and say, ‘You know what’s important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids’? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, ‘You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.’ Well, I’m the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, ‘Enough is enough–it’s getting dangerous and somebody’s going to get hurt.’ I should have, but I didn’t. Honestly, I didn’t know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere.”

If you are the parent of any teenagers, I would imagine you have struggled with this issue. To be a cool friend or to be the irritating parent. Because it is really difficult to be both. There is this innate sense of wanting our kids to like us. And, yet, ironically, the more we cater to that desire, the less our kids do like us.

Instead of a rock in the storm, we become someone who shifts our position with every slight change in the wind. Do we do this because we truly think it is okay? No, most of the time, we will bend our position because we don’t want them to be mad at us. We feel like giving them an answer they don’t like will cause them to not like us.

I have found myself in this position many a time. And I have chosen both ways. I can honestly admit to the following–

When I have gone against my better judgment and allowed something that I knew I shouldn’t allow, I have always been sorry. Sometimes it is just for a moment and sometimes that little thing I allowed turns into a bigger problem. But, in contrast, when I have stood up for what’s right and not allowed something that they truly wanted with all of their heart, I have always felt great. And if you believe that, let me tell you another story! Actually, that doesn’t always feel so good. Sometimes I feel like I absolutely did the right thing. But many times I second-guess myself. Occasionally, I even change my mind. And, sometimes, I should change my mind.

And that’s where the friend part comes in. We need to listen to our teenagers. Listen to their side of the story. Listen to why they want to do what they want to do. And then let’s take them to God’s Word. Often, we would still stand by our decision as parents. But that was often after lots of discussion. Teenagers need reasons. And, as they get older and mature spiritually, gradually put some of the final decisions in their hands. That way they may make mistakes on the little things and hopefully be preparing for bigger decisions.

If I can do anything before my kids leave this house, it will be to instill in them accountability to GOD. If they think they need to please me, then they will do what they want when they leave. But if they realize that God is always with them and they are living to please Him, rather than to live by some man-made set of rules, then one of my main goals as a parent will have been accomplished.

As the decision-making becomes more my kids’ responsibility and less of mine, the friendship grows. See, the friendship comes later. Trying to be friends with your 13 year old is a big mistake. But hang on a few years. If you hold your ground with your 13 year old, your 20 year old will be more of a friend. I can only imagine that the friendship continues to grow as they grow into an adult, and then perhaps even a deeper friendship as they become parents themselves.

Thankfully, whatever happens and wherever we find ourselves right now, God is gracious and loving and can work beyond our mistakes. So, just keep praying for your kids and trying to find that balance. And don’t get tired! Make sure your teenagers know that you are there for them and that you will keep God’s standards in your family, no matter what is going on in their friends’ houses!

Joshua 24:15

Note (2/24/15) I wrote this almost exactly four years ago now. Since then, Miley Cyrus has went completely wild. I am truly saddened over that situation. How much worse her situation is now than it was even then. How her parents must mourn over her choices.

We, too, are at a very different place– one birdie has already spread her wings and flown away and two more are making their plans to fly this coming summer. Only one birdie will be left at home come September. Our kids are certainly not perfect and they make mistakes, but my husband and I have a good relationship with them and with each passing year, we do see a friendship that grows as they become adults. We, too, continue to make our share of mistakes and certainly lay no claim on perfection. We would both say, however, that we have never regretted standing our ground and providing boundaries on entertainment choices, activities, and friendships. If anything, we feel like we left way too much of the world invade our home and would probably change some things if we could do it over.

And so let’s remember– strict boundaries without explanation are the cause of most rebellion. Permissive love without boundaries also leads to waywardness. Only boundaries placed with love is a winning combination when it comes to parenting. My prayer is that this will encourage you to stand strong in biblical conviction, but with so much grace and love.

Love is like the weather

Leave a Comment / February 14, 2011 February 13, 2016

Since it is Valentine’s Day , it seems only fitting to write about love. Specifically the love between a husband and wife. I have now been married 22+ years. That means I have been married approximately 8030 days. Or 192, 720 hours. And I would be lying to you if I said that I felt love for the guy I am married to all 192, 720 hours–or even all 8030 days. Marriage is a bit of a roller coaster ride, isn’t it? Or maybe it is more like the weather.

Winter has felt long this year. It snowed at the end of December and continued to snow. There has been snow on the ground for a long time. At least for this area of the country. It has been cold, too. Not many, if any, warm, sunny days to remind us that spring is coming again. It felt like winter was going to last forever. But when I got up this morning, I looked out and it felt almost warm. There was a large patch of grass…not just the itty bitty ones I had been seeing.

Even when it felt like winter would last forever and spring would never come, I knew differently. I think perhaps marriage is a lot like that. Just because you don’t feel love doesn’t mean that there isn’t love. We all have moments in our marriages that are like the weather–long, unending spells of indifference like the long winter months or sudden moments of impossible impasse like a summer storm. But, no matter what it feels like, if both parties choose to stay committed to the relationship, the feelings of love will come back around.

I remember when my husband and I were married around 7 years. We came to a sudden and, what seemed impossible, problem. It lasted for months. Our children were affected by it. My mother was worried about us. The funny thing is that I have no recollection of what the specific issue was. I can’t remember at all. I do know this, though: If there was ever a time in our marriage where there was a danger of one of us walking away, that was the time. It was that bad. But I think I can honestly say that neither of us ever even contemplated it. Not because we were so wise to know that things would get better. We were young. My focus was on the dark, gray present time, not some unseen likelihood of sunshine again in the future. We stuck it out because both of us were committed to the marriage.

You see, we had seen marvelous examples of marriage in the lives of our parents. We had seen them go through ups and downs. Both couples had been through some really tough times. But they had stuck it out. They had promised to the Lord and to each other to love and cherish in sickness and in health. In good times and bad. And they stuck by those vows, even when the going got tough.

We feel blessed to have parents who have such a commitment. But there are amazing examples of this everywhere. If you aren’t blessed to have parents who have stuck it out–and, let’s face it- that is probably true for many of you–take a look in your extended family. Or your church family. You will find couples celebrating their 30th, 40th, and 50th anniversaries. Sometimes even more. That is true love. True love sticks around through all types of “weather”. It does not disappear when the going get tough. It is commitment to the partnership above commitment to self.

And, so, while I thank God for the feelings of love–can you imagine life without feelings??–I also thank Him for the tough times that make us work beyond our feelings. The tough times are what yield the strong, sturdy love that can weather any storm and are a blessing and example to those around us.

Here are the typical marriage vows. I thought it might be a good reminder for all of us married people to remember that we said something similar to this one very special day in our past. And that the vows we made are no less true now, than they were then–

I _____, take you ______, to be my wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.