Grace Lived Out

I can remember, a few years back, when I friended someone on Facebook who had some interesting things to say regarding this world. I didn’t know this guy but he was recommended by a friend. He flat-out rejected my friend request based on the fact that I celebrated Christmas, according to my Facebook page. He thought that celebrating Christmas is wrong and wanted no parts with anyone who gave any attention to this day. I’ve run into that many times in the opposite direction. Being in a public kind of position with a blog and Facebook page, many people have rejected me because they don’t like something I write. I know that I have done this, as well. Particularly when I was young, so very passionate about my opinions, and severely lacking in grace. It is tempting to write people off if they don’t agree with us. But, oh, how ungodly and…well, wrong. I am not sure what made me think of this today, but it seems like something to think about as we move into the holiday season with all of the gatherings.

Our culture is such a paradox. On one hand, we say we should never judge people. Just love, love, love. But, on the other hand, as soon as an opinion is expressed that someone doesn’t agree with, judgement comes immediately through cold silence or even breaking off friendship. So which is it?

I guess we don’t really care which the world chooses. The world will choose what it will. Our concern is scripture. How do we respond to those we don’t agree with, according to scripture?

Grace Lived Out. What does it look like?

There are so many verses we could turn to, but let’s just turn to a few verses from Colossians, chapter 3–

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;¹³ Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.¹⁴ And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.¹⁵ And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. (Colossians 3:12-15)

So, in light of these verses, how do we respond to someone who we don’t agree with? Let’s break it down.

First, Paul instructs us, through the Holy Spirit, that we are to be filled with mercy for one another, we are to be kind, humble, meek (endure with patience and without resentment), and longsuffering. Now let’s think of these things in light of how we tend to treat someone we don’t agree with.

In fact, many of us often do the opposite. The words impatience, unkind, pride, and short-tempered come to mind (even if we never speak a word!)

People say things in the heat of the moment. We are all tempted to frustration and anger when we feel passionately about something and someone disagrees with us. But if we desire to obey scripture, then we need to intentionally turn from our fleshly desires and, instead, bring kindness and humility to these disagreements. Even in our thoughts. Many of us will choose not to say much but we will not have very kind or humble thoughts about the person. Sin starts in our mind.

Another thing we can learn from these verses is that we are to forgive. This means we don’t reject someone or unfriend them or give them a cold shoulder because they said something we don’t like. If someone has a quarrel with us, we forgive them, plain and simple. We don’t make the quarrel worse. Instead, as Romans 12:18, instructs we, “as much as it is up to us, leave peaceably with all men.” We do what we can to keep things peaceful.

We are also instructed in these verses to put on charity (another word for love). A genuine love for others will smooth many things over. Loving others as we love ourselves (we all love ourselves quite naturally) will change everything. Christ has shown us so much love and grace and this alone should give us motivation to do the same for those around us.

And, finally, we are to allow God’s peace to rule in our hearts. When we lack grace for someone, God’s peace is not ruling. When we are mad at someone for a stance they have taken, God’s peace is not ruling. When we reject someone because we don’t agree with them, God’s peace is not ruling.

The entire passage ends with “and be thankful”. A grateful heart alters how we look at most things. When we are grateful, envy melts away; we can focus on what is good about someone, instead of what frustrates us; we approach life with a different perspective.

Now, what about arguments or debates about doctrine? About things that are clearly taught in scripture? We cannot deny that God tells us to mark and avoid certain people. We are told not to let them even enter our doors. What about when it is something that is heretical?

Well, these are big deals. We are to be very careful about false teaching. And, so in these cases, much prayer is needed. But scripture makes it clear that the answer is never in quarreling and debating. These two things are born out of pride and never from a humble heart of love. Discussion is not wrong if conducted with the right heart attitude. But when we are tempted to debate or argue over a clear truth of scripture, let’s instead pray. Pray for the person’s blind eyes to be opened. Pray for humility and kindness. Pray that God would give opportunity to have an open and honest discussion with them, rather than a heated debate that does no one any good at all and taints the name of Jesus.

God has shown us incredible love and amazing grace. In that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). That deserves an exclamation point. Christ died for us! We need Christ to save us because we are sinners (I Corinthians 15:3-4). We are all sinners (Romans 3:10). Do we think we are better than someone else because they don’t agree with us?

Oh, that we may all bring mercy, kindness, forgiveness, and love to our family gatherings. To our Christmas parties with co-workers and friends. To our get-togethers with church family. May we live grace out.