There are those who would say we should never speak (or write) negatively about someone. That this is the essence of gossip.
But we know that cannot be true because of 3 John, where Paul writes in his letter to Gaius about a man by the name of Diotrephenes. Paul does not mince words: This man likes pre-eminence among his church family; he speaks with malicious words; he is a bad influence on others, seeking to lead them in a wrong direction.
The Holy Spirit would never direct Paul to gossip, so we know what Paul has written here cannot be defined as gossip. Clearly, there is a time and a place to speak negatively about others.
Paul was simply stating a fact and issuing a warning about this dangerous man. This is not sinful. And, in fact, we see this happening over and over again in scripture, not just in 3 John.
So if speaking or writing negative words is not sinful, in and of itself, what makes gossip…gossip?
It is clearly the motivation behind the words.
The sin of gossip stems from a malicious heart or a nosey mind that relishes in hearing juicy tidbits about others. The gossiper wants to be “in the know” and they love nothing more than hearing updates about people—particularly negative updates—that they can then pass along to others.
So how did we end up believing that all negative words about others equal gossip? Well, let me give you the answer in a nutshell.
Fifty years or so ago, a false teacher in America began to plant the seed of what I shall call “Only the Positive”. His ministry was defined by positive thinking and it was warmly received by many. The seed of this heretical teaching grew and grew, until it took over the entire church.
Never speak negative words. Only speak positive words.
Even solid churches, where they revere the Word of God, seem to think it is sinful to speak negative words—even if it is for their very important calling to warn and protect their flocks.
This is when we must stop and think. Are we following the Bible or are we following a manmade philosophy?
As believers, we get our guide for life and lifestyle from God’s Word. And so we need to evaluate what we hear and what is popular by its grid. What does the Bible have to say about this issue?
In scripture, we find that there is a time and a place to warn. There is a time and a place to speak the truth about someone—even if it’s not very positive or uplifting. This is clearly not wrong.
What is wrong is to go around speaking indiscriminately of others. What is wrong is to speak unkindly about someone in a group for no good reason. What is wrong is to relish the bad and sad happenings of others. What is wrong is to love the “oohs” and “aahs” of an audience as you share yet another scandalous story.
I think we all struggle with gossip at some level. I know I do. I praise God I am not who I was, but I know I am still not who I should be.
We live in a world that relishes gossip. For some, it’s as natural as breathing, and spending time with someone like this can draw us into this sin before we even realize it.
Oh, to grow in this area of recognizing the sin and being the person that shuts it down.
I read the delightful passage in a fiction book just recently of two women talking and as the one offered a tidbit of gossip, the other one quite simply said this: “Why, I don’t believe I need to know that”. She said it kindly and lovingly but the intention was clear: I am not going to gossip about this person.
I want to be like her. It’s not easy, is it? It’s not easy to be the one that shuts down gossip.
We also live in a world that loves bigger and better. And this includes the stories that swirl all around us every day—in the office, at church, and especially on social media. The bigger the story the better. Always bigger, always better. What is true? We have no idea.
We stand out as believers by not joining the gossip swirling around us. We stand out by simply remaining steadfast and consistent, according to God’s Word; we do not seek the “bigger and better”. We stand out as believers by our love and abundant grace for others. And, yes, we stand out as believers by sometimes lovingly warning others of false teachers and dangerous spiritual counselors, while never being defined by just this aspect.
In other words, we should never be known just for our negative words. But we should also not be known as someone who only speaks positive words. Both are necessary for spiritual good health.
Paul gives us such a wonderful, well-rounded example for us to follow, doesn’t he? In the scriptures that he has written (through the Holy Spirit) we find that, while he does sometimes warn of those who bring spiritual danger to the flocks he’s writing to, his ministry is not defined by these warnings. He also exhorts, rebukes, edifies, prays, and loves those to whom he is writing.
Occasional and well-timed “negative words” about others are not wrong, but may our lives never be defined by only these. May we seek to be as Paul (and Jesus, too, gave us this example) of being willing to speak both positive and negative words, discerning carefully if and when to speak them.
And may we examine our hearts for the sin of gossip and ask the Lord to help us to stay far from this troublesome sin that causes so much heartache and damage.