Growing Older – Page 7 – Growing 4 Life

Wise Words #4: He Is With You

Leave a Comment / July 11, 2012 July 11, 2012

One of the songs that has meant so much to me during some very difficult times has been this song by Mandisa, entitled “He Is With You”. I remember being in tears by the end of hearing it the first time. God used this song to remind me that He is always with me. Even when I feel lonely or frightened or hopeless, I am not alone. God is with me always. How blessed we are to have a supernatural source of comfort and strength if we are one of His children. May we never forget it. I have attached a link to listen to the song on YouTube after the lyrics. It’s a great video, so I hope you take a moment to watch it.

There’s a time to live
And a time to die
There’s a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There’s a time for war
And a time for peace
There’s a hand to hold
In the worst of these
In the worst of these

Chorus:
He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can’t even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn’t kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby’s gone
And your house is still and your heart’s a stone
Cryin’ God, what’d you do that for?
He is with you

There’s a time for yes
And a time for no
There’s a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There’s a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this

Chorus:
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don’t know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don’t know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you

We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light

Chorus:
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there’s too much space and you feel alone
And you’re worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you’ve given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you

When nothing else is left
And you take your final breath
He is with you

Watch on YouTube: He is With You by Mandisa

Java Joe’s and the Death of a Dream

2 Comments / June 25, 2012 March 19, 2017

There is an old brick house we pass each year on the way to the beach. One year I saw that this house had become Java Joe’s, an adorable little coffee house. It looked like a great place to enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend and I wished I live closer. But then I noticed a year or two later that Java Joe’s looked deserted. I wondered why it looked closed on a weekday. It seemed so odd. And then last week, on our way to the beach, we passed it again and saw that the building is for sale. Sadly, I realized that the cute little coffee shop is no longer in existence.

My thoughts turned towards the owner who first dreamed of opening a coffee shop someday. I imagined how he must have found the proper piece of real estate to make his dream come true. He probably excitedly prepared plans to turn the old house into a coffee shop and was filled with anticipation as opening day approached. I wondered if the first few months were all he hoped or if it seemed destined for failure from the beginning? This owner had a dream and he went for it! But the dream died the day Java Joe’s closed permanently. Perhaps the owner moved on to bigger and better dreams or maybe he gave up and still bares the scars of his dead dream. I don’t really have any way of knowing.

But I guess all of us have had to say good-bye to dreams at one time or another. They are hard, hard moments. Perhaps it is a wayward child entrapped in a life of abuse. Or a failed business that we poured our heart and soul into. Maybe we have never found Mr. or Miss Right and we have had to say good-bye to our dreams of marriage and family. For some of us, our children will never know their grandparents due to an untimely death. For others of us, we are finding it impossible to have a family at all because of infertility issues or the children we do have are handicapped in some way and their future isn’t what we longed for for our child. Perhaps we suffer with a chronic illness and have had to realize we can’t do what we had always dreamed of. And many have said good-bye to their fairy tale dreams of the perfect marriage while they flounder in the real world of being married to a sinner. So many dream deaths. So many tears. So much sadness. If you have lived on this fallen earth then you have had to say goodbye to a dream.

How do we handle the death of our dreams–especially the ones that we hold so near and dear to our heart? Oftentimes, the disappointment and lingering ramifications are invisible to others, making it even harder to work through it all. Most of us don’t share our deepest innermost feelings with the world and so we bare the pain and grief all alone. We are filled with a desire to shout out–

I am in mourning here! Why don’t you care?!?

But the world just keeps going on, business as usual. It doesn’t care. No one cares.

That is the lie we tell ourselves.

But is it true?

Eventually, if we are believers, we understand that it’s not true. That the God of the universe loves and cares for us (Psalm 55:22; I Peter 5:7). We remember that He is Sovereign and All-Powerful. We submit to His will and we make a purposeful choice to have a good attitude, asking Jesus to shine brightly through us, even through life’s disappointments. We choose to grow stronger, instead of bitter, when we have to say farewell to a precious dream.

Is it easy? Absolutely not.

Is it instant? No way.

But it is possible.

It is all a process of submission and leaning on the Lord for strength. We seldom remain unchanged when working through the death of a dream. The question to ask ourselves is this:

Will I become more like Christ or will I cave in to my bitter, hopeless feelings?

Paul tells us that all is loss, when compared to knowing Christ. I can’t honestly say that I feel that way all of the time but my goal is to grow to that place where I can say along with Paul:

Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ (Philippians 3:8).

And so we remember, once again, that we are a tiny speck on the timeline of the universe. Smaller than a speck of dust. And we remember that God is God. He can see the whole timeline. And so we move forward, knowing that God is with us–even through the death of our dreams.

What a Song Can Do

2 Comments / March 19, 2012 March 19, 2012

I was sitting in the Doctor’s office when the song came on. I find it amazing how a song can transport you back in time in an instant. Suddenly, in my mind, I was back in college. They were wonderful, care-free days that were filled with major trials–at least that is what I thought at the time. Now, looking back, I realize that “major trials” hadn’t even begun.

As I listened to that song, tears welled up in my eyes. They were there because I was so thankful for where God has brought me in 25 years. And they were there because it had all happened so fast.

Reflecting back, I contemplated those wonderful days. I had attended a Christian college that hired professors that cared about their students. I had made life-long friends there. I had found my husband there. I had discovered the wonder of the Bible there. I had learned how to share my room and my stuff with a roommate…which was a good thing to learn with marriage on the horizon!

Sure, it wasn’t perfect– in so many ways. There were difficult days. But now, all of these years later, I could see how God had used all of those moments to change me…and, in a lot of ways, to grow me up.

And it makes me think about now. I know in my heart that 25 years from now, I will probably hear a song and I will reflect back to these days. Days of busyness and teenagers and twenty-somethings. Days of discussions and digging into scripture for answers. Days filled with unanswered questions.

And I realize that each stage of life comes with blessings and trials. Thankfully, if we are believers, our trials are cushioned by God’s faithfulness. In fact, when life looks impossible and the way seems darkest, is when we often see God work in amazing ways. Sometimes through changing our circumstances, but most often by changing our hearts. God is so good.

As the song came to a close, my heart was sad that I would never be able to re-live those carefree days. But my head knew that what is ahead of me is so much greater. And, most importantly, I realized that I needed to be thankful for right now.

10 Thoughts on Building a Healthy Marriage

Leave a Comment / February 13, 2012 May 31, 2015

It seems only appropriate to talk about marriage as we approach Valentine’s Day. What exactly defines a good marriage? How do a man and a woman not only stay together but actually stay best friends for life? I have a few ideas gleaned from my own 25 years of marriage to my husband, Eric. We have also had the blessing of observing the marriages of both sets of parents and other Christian couples who have set such wonderful examples. Some of the suggestions I have listed here are still very much in progress in our marriage, so please don’t think we have it all together! Here are a few thoughts on the topic of marriage, in no particular order:

1. Have common goals. It is so very hard to be best friends with someone who has totally different goals than you do. Whether it is how to handle finances or where to live or how to raise the kids, it is important that we be unified in most areas. If we cannot come to an agreement about some issue, it is important to come to some kind of compromise, so that we can live in harmony before the children. Of course, Biblical Truth cannot be compromised, but, if we are honest, we will admit that most of our arguments are based on our own selfish desires and have nothing to do with Biblical Truth. Nothing is more disruptive to a marriage than two people going two different directions.

2. A willingness on both parts to admit wrongdoing. This is so very basic– and so very necessary. Just this week, in separate incidents, both my husband and myself had to admit ways in which we messed up. Instead of sweeping them under the carpet, we thought about the sin we had committed and then apologized. I have to honestly admit that this is very difficult for me. My personality is such that I have a really difficult time doing this and it will often take me a few hours or even a few days until the Holy Spirit has convicted me to humble myself and admit my wrongdoing.

3. A willingness for both spouses to forgive and extend grace. Sometimes our spouse isn’t even aware that they hurt us. We need to forgive each other always. If we don’t, then eventually a volcano of bitterness, hurt, and anger will spill over. Some offenses are much easier to forgive than others. But, according to Scripture (Matthew 18:21-22) we are required to forgive each other–again and again. Grace, mercy, and forgiveness go a very long way in preserving a marriage.

4. Don’t allow our expectations to control our responses and reactions. We expect our husbands to read our minds. We expect our wives to have a clean house and hot meal waiting at home, regardless of her day. We expect our husbands to romance us. We expect our wives to understand our need for solitude. And when our spouses do not understand these things, we are offended. But, perhaps, instead of growing hurt and offended and angry, we should communicate our expectations and then determine what is realistically possible? I know when I was homeschooling, my husband had an expectation that I would keep a clean house. This caused a temporary rift in our marriage because I found this to be almost impossible. My husband had an expectation and I was having a very hard time meeting it. Most of us have some unrealistic expectations for our spouse that, if we are not careful, can build a wall between us. Years later, I now feel like it is a realistic expectation for me to keep the house tidy–at least for the few hours the kids are at school!

5. Appreciate each other. Sure, all of us have plenty to complain about, but we all have lots to be thankful for, too. And we need to make sure that appreciation moves beyond just our thoughts and to our mouths. We need to tell our spouse how much we appreciate them generally and specifically. We need to share with our children how much we appreciate their dad or mom. And we should talk positively about our husband or wife when we are in public.

6. Give God first place in our lives. I feel like this is so fundamental that it hardly needs to be said. However, so many of us forget the importance of this in our busy lives. I just heard John Piper say in one of his sermons that he has always encouraged his children to read their Bible in the morning – even before breakfast. In fact, if there is no Bible, there should be no breakfast…the implication being that it is more important to eat spiritual food than physical food. If we are in the Word and confessing and praying and continually examining ourselves, we will be a much easier person to be married to. If our spouse is doing the same thing, it will be doubly helpful to the marriage. The Lord blesses those who live in obedience to Him.

7. Keep our marriage in second place. Not the kids. Not the job. Not the shopping or the sports or the church. We have a responsibility to keep the needs of our spouse of primary importance. I have really struggled with this and continue to struggle with this. Through the years I have found myself in a place where I would meet the many needs of my four children and let my husband fend for himself. I still find myself doing this, as my husband would loudly confirm were he given the opportunity. But we all– whether we are husbands or wives–need to be thinking about our spouse’s needs. We need to be serving them, loving them, and keeping them a priority in our lives.

8. Surprise each other now and again. Okay, so maybe this isn’t as profound or deep as you were expecting but I can honestly say that some of the best times in my life have been when my husband has surprised me. Taken me outside of the ordinary. We live so many of our days in the ordinary that somehow it is so romantic and fun to do something or to receive something unexpected. Last week, Eric walked in the door with a beautiful magenta orchid in his hand. Just because. It wasn’t a holiday or a special occasion. I love those moments! It is fun and healthy for us to break up the commonplace once in awhile with a surprise.

9. Stick with God’s pattern for how a husband and wife are supposed to work together. Women, whether we like it or not, God has set the husband up to be the Spiritual leader. We are to submit to and respect our husbands. Men, whether you want to or not, you are called to be the spiritual leader in your home. You are held responsible before God to love and protect your wife and family and to guide them with Biblical wisdom. This is a responsibility that I see so many women taking by default and many Christian families are affected negatively because of it. God’s design is always perfect. We may not like it, but it is right there in Scripture (Ephesians 5:22-25).

10. No secrets! I can’t think of one on this list that is more important than this. Be honest with each other. In our marriage, we have made the decision to keep our computers, our phones, and any financial accounts open and available to be seen at any time. We talk honestly about our feelings on almost all topics. When communication is not going on, it is the beginning of misunderstandings, bitterness, and fear. Suspicion and distance and walls grow out of keeping secrets. But light shines on a relationship that makes honesty a priority.

All marriages go through ups and downs. We all hit rough times that we just need to toil our way through. But we can never give up. And one final thought – PRAY for your husband or wife. Pray for your marriage. God is faithful!

So, there are some suggestions. This is certainly not an exhaustive list and I am sure I left out some really important points. I would love to hear some of your suggestions and thoughts about this topic. What has really helped to make your marriage work?

Practice Makes Perfect

Leave a Comment / January 26, 2012 January 26, 2012

My adorable piano student stood before me, unzipping the bag that held her piano books and hesitantly informing me that there were two songs she didn’t know very well. When asked why, she said they were too hard. When she sat at the piano, I asked her to play the first of those two songs. As she faltered and stumbled through the first one, I realized what was going on. She hadn’t even practiced the song because she didn’t like the song. It certainly wasn’t too hard. It was filled with basic notes and timing–both of which had been familiar to her for awhile now.

When questioned if she liked the song, this little girl, a bit embarrassed, was truthful with me. As I assigned the song again and told her that sometimes we have to do things we don’t like in order to really be successful, I thought of how much that is true in all of life.

Why do we have this idea that we can be good at something without practicing it? And why do we think it happens without struggle and working above feelings? Only through practicing – through songs we don’t like, through rhythms and measures that seem impossible, through working up the courage to play for an audience–do we become successful at playing an instrument. The same would hold true of most anything in life.

And if that is true then the following two things are probably also true:

1. If practice makes perfect, then older people probably have a lot of practice at living and perhaps we should listen to them a little bit more often. In the rebellion and casting off of traditions we have seen in the last 25 years or so, I have seen a very disturbing trend in this country. We treat our elderly like they are liabilities, instead of as precious assets who could teach us so much. Let’s face it, the basics of life haven’t changed that much. It is always amazing to me when I sit down and talk with someone who has lived a lot of life not only what I can learn, but how they have struggled through many of the same situations I struggle through…making a marriage work, raising children, trusting in God’s sovereignty, standing for Truth.

Yes, they should be precious to us and we cast them aside in our quest for something new and exciting and different. In my opinion, this is a great tragedy.

2. If we need to spend time at something in order to be successful at it, wouldn’t that mean the same for studying God’s Word? Can we really know it if we aren’t studying? And how can we live a holy life for God if we don’t know what that is? I would submit to you that the only way to know what pleases our heavenly Father is to spend time in His Word, using reliable resources to help us to interpret it.

We only have one life to live. And for many of us, we are looking at the word “elderly” and realizing that in just a few short years it will describe us. May all of us – no matter what age we are — be reading God’s Word and practicing life in such a way that is glorifying our heavenly Father. If we are reading God’s Word and applying it to our lives, young people will notice. And if you are reading this as a young person, then remember –there is always someone younger than you watching you.

May we all strive to be godly examples for a generation that seems to have lost its way. May we be “practicing” life in a manner that shows we are standing on the Solid Rock in the ocean of wishy-washy values and standards we find ourselves in.

Parenting with Purpose

5 Comments / January 19, 2012 January 19, 2012

My four kids in 2003-- where does the time go?

This morning I am speaking at a local MOPS group on the subject of parenting. As I thought about my life as a mom, I realized how many mistakes I have made and how much I have learned. And I thought of the moments we have as parents that are so proud…and the moments that are so devastating. It is only by the grace of God that we raise kids who love the Lord. Below I have included a condensed version of what I am saying this morning, including some resources I recommend.

1. PERSPECTIVE We need to keep perspective on what is truly important. If we are believers, then we only have 18 short years to mold kids who love the Lord with all of their hearts, souls, minds, and strength and love their neighbors as themselves (Mark 12:30). How do we keep proper perspective? I would like to make three suggestions: 1) We need to pray humbly and often. 2) We need to always think about what’s best for our children, rather than get caught up in our own insecurities and feelings. 3) We need to be very careful where we get our information. Look for biblical resources as you face issues with your children. God’s Word must reign supreme. Godly advice has rarely been found in secular books and magazines.

These three things will help us to remember what is truly important as we go about the job of raising kids.

2. PLAN We need to stop parenting out of convenience and reaction. We need to carefully plan each of the following:

–Conversations: use conversation starters like, “What’s your favorite song?” , “Why do you think that person did that bad thing?” or “What scares you the most and why?”

–Activities: When I over-scheduled myself and my children, I would end up short-tempered, with irritable kids, a messy house, and an unhappy husband. I eventually learned that the strife wasn’t worth it. We need to carefully plan our activities and only do the things that are truly important.

–Entertainment: This encompasses so much of our lives. It includes TV shows, movies, music, and video games. We should give great care and thought to, not only on what we allow them to watch and play, but also how often. We should be encouraging our children to be producers (creating, imagining, and building) rather than consumers (watching).

–Chores: We should be actively involving our children in the work around the house, so that they are learning self-discipline and the sense of accomplishment that comes along with hard work. We want to raise adults who are willing to serve others. This starts at home with chores.

3. PRAISE and PUNISHMENT It is important to establish parental authority in our homes when our children are young. It will not get easier as they get older. While listening to our children’s thoughts and feelings on matters is important and even, on occasion, may lead us to change our minds on an issue, we need to be the authority in our homes, as God designed.

We need to be very careful in our use of praise and punishment. Neither should be overdone. Punishment should only be for defiance and not for accidents. It should be thought out and never be born out of our split-second angry reaction. Ha! I write this and I know that I still struggle with this. Angry reactions are what comes natural to me. “Give me your ipod! I am keeping it for a year!” Thankfully, my husband usually helps me see reason and we develop a more reasonable punishment.

And, on a side note, I have never seen a child’s psyche damaged because they can’t wear or eat what they want. However, I have seen great damage occur when a child always gets their own way and believes themselves to be the center of the universe.

4. PROPER PRIORITIES Our priorities should look like this: 1. God 2. Marriage Relationship 3. Children. In many homes, it appears that the children take the number one spot. In fact, I heard Tim Keller talk about this the other day on a podcast. He talked about how the child-centered family of today, instead of being a healthy Christian model, is nothing like a Christian family should look like. Many of us have made our children idols and the troublesome thing is – in most Christian circles we believe this is the right thing to do.

5. PRIVILEGE We need to remember what an incredible privilege it is to raise children who love the Lord! Many are those who only wish they could do it once or do it over. We need to remember how blessed we are and continue on doing our very best even when the road grows difficult and we grow tired.

There is a war going on for the souls of our children. We need to fight for them! God has entrusted many of us with one or more of these souls. May we approach this opportunity with purpose and whole-hearted devotion.

Some resources I recommend:

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

What the Bible Says About Parenting by John MacArthur

Dare to Discipline by James Dobson

Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel

25 Ways to Make 2012 a Great Year

2 Comments / December 26, 2011 December 26, 2011

As we anticipate the new year, we often make lofty resolutions or set impossible goals. But sometimes small, thoughtful actions can reap wonderful rewards. Here are a few simple ideas on how to make next year a great one:

1. Smile. A lot.

2. Ask someone a question about their life. Be genuinely interested.

3. Don’t waste time or energy thinking about things you can’t change.

4. So everyone has a bad day. Find perspective and choose joy.

5. Study God’s Word. Simply reading it isn’t enough.

6. Open your mind to a different type of music. Try classical, jazz, or hymns.

7. Try something new and interesting this year. How about painting, photography, ice skating, gardening, camping, baking, running, or learning to play an instrument? The ideas are endless. And, for goodness’ sake, stop telling yourself you are too old to try something new!

8. Read a book that goes beyond boy meets girl. Read something that will deepen your understanding of humanity.

9. Find ways to serve others. Don’t waste your time, energy, or money trying to impress them.

10. Turn the TV off. Only turn it on if you know specifically what you are going to watch. Make a rule never to turn it on while your family is sharing a meal together.

11. When someone says something hurtful, don’t defend yourself. Just walk away.

12. Listen to someone’s point before jumping in with your own opinion.

13. Make a budget and stick to it.

14. Only eat when you are hungry.

15. Pick one area you would like to see changed in your life and pray about it daily. Watch God work. He may change the circumstances or He may change your attitude.

16. Don’t try to change people. Instead inspire them.

17. Stop hedging and tell the truth.

18. Visit a museum and take the time to read the displays and increase your knowledge of the world around you.

19. Appreciate the ordinary moments. Life can change in a heartbeat.

20. Train your mind to gloss over real (or imagined) offenses of the past, whether they happened 5 years ago or 5 minutes ago. Grudges aren’t beneficial to anyone.

21. Develop a relationship with an elderly person. We can learn so much from their experiences. Don’t be so arrogant to think they couldn’t possibly understand you or your predicament. Life hasn’t changed that much.

22. Remember that every choice has a consequence.

23. Think before you talk.

24. Think before you act.

25. While you are thinking, ask yourself these questions: Will this glorify God? Will it encourage someone? Is it necessary? What will be the consequences of these words or this action?

As I was writing this list, I realized that there are some changes that I would really like to implement. However, it almost feels impossible to make a permanent change. But perhaps, instead of seeing the looming, overwhelming need for a permanent change, we just think about the next 24 hours? Which of these can we work on today? And then do the same thing again tomorrow. Before you know it, a year has gone by and we have changed.

Can you think of other ideas I should have added to this list? I would love to have your input on other changes we can all make that would make 2012 a great year – for ourselves and, more importantly, for those around us.

On purses and bad decisions

Leave a Comment / December 5, 2011 December 5, 2011

“Mom, can you cancel my bank card right now?” The distressed voice said quietly in my ear. My mind quickly thought of a few scenarios that may have triggered this request, but I wasn’t expecting to hear that my daughter’s car was broken into while she and her boyfriend were delivering turkey dinners to the needy for Thanksgiving.

After a long and drawn out conversation with my bank to deactivate the card, I called my daughter back to get the longer version of what happened. She had hidden and locked her purse in the car around 10am, when they had joined a group to deliver the dinners. About five hours later she returned to a broken car window and a missing purse (along with a few other items). Thankfully, she still had her iPhone and the car key. But her favorite purse- a loss in and of itself- had contained a special key chain with all of her other keys, her glasses, her camera, her bankcard (with $300 stolen in a matter of hours), her license, and a number of other items hidden within the depths of that purse.

When she returned home, we had a long conversation about why it isn’t ever wise to leave your purse in a locked car in the city. It wasn’t wrong–it just wasn’t wise. If she had asked me (the older and wiser person in this case) I could have steered her in a different direction…at the very least I would have suggested she put it in the trunk. While it caused some major inconvenience and expense, we all make mistakes and thankfully it wasn’t the end of her world. You can get a new license. You can get new glasses. You can buy a new camera. And supposedly the bank is even going to return her money.

But it did make me wonder–how often could we spare ourselves consequences if we listened to someone wiser than ourselves? Not only on the black and white issues that are clearly stated in God’s Word, but on the gray issues, too.

Some mistakes aren’t just inconvenient and expensive. Some mistakes cost a lifetime…or a relationship…or your life savings. Why are we so slow to ask for…and then follow…advice from someone older and wiser than ourselves? Perhaps we don’t always need to learn the hard way. What if there are people who learned through some very difficult circumstances and can tell us where our current path will probably lead?

That lady who married an unbeliever may tell you marrying an unbeliever is like playing Russian roulette.

The workaholic, now aware of his mistakes, may tell you that what he gained financially wasn’t worth what he lost in relationships.

The recovering alcoholic may tell you that it all started with a weekly trip to the bar.

The nagging wife may tell you that all her nagging got her was an unhappy marriage.

The recovering gambler may tell you that he would give anything to never have walked into a casino.

Oh, the wisdom that can be gained from listening to those who are older and wiser than ourselves. But, no, we think it won’t happen to us. We won’t become the alcoholic who destroys our family or the gambler that puts our family into financial jeopardy. We think the person we marry will become saved… eventually. We believe that “nagging is just my personality”. Oh, we come up with all kinds of rationalizations, moving full speed ahead.

But do we have to always learn things the hard way? Or does a wise person learn from the mistakes of others? In fact, God’s Word, in Proverbs 19:20, instructs us to “listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days.” The person who shuts his eyes and proceeds to travel a dangerous path is going to fall. It is not a matter of if…it is when.

Pride and stubbornness lead to heartache. An unwillingness to listen to wise counsel leads to heartache. And do you know what is the most heart-wrenching thing about this principle? It is that nine times out of ten–if the person would have just listened– they could have saved themselves such dreadful consequences.

As I write this, I think of a girl who just made this statement. She has found herself in a terrible, awful mess. About the worst you could find yourself in as a 22 year old. And as she ended up tumbling down to the bottom of a very deep emotional chasm, she said to the person who had counseled her wisely several months before: “I should have listened to you.” She wishes she would have listened to the wise counsel given to her. But, for her, it is too late. She has a long, dreary, difficult road ahead of her now.

We have one opportunity to live this life. Only one. And there is no guarantee on how long it will last. May we be wise and teachable. May we learn from our elders. May we not be so arrogant and naive to think we will be spared the obvious consequences of unwise behavior. May we never think we are too old and wise to learn from the experiences of others. And most of all–may we desire to please the Lord in all that we do.

Switching Boxes

Leave a Comment / March 24, 2011 March 24, 2011

Today is the day I switch boxes. Okay, let me explain. Think about the last survey you filled out. You know…the ones where they ask for an age range. I don’t really know any of them except for the one that says (35-44). That has been MY box to check for 9 years. Today I can no longer check that box.

I know it is inconsequential in the course of life. I do know that. But it turns my thoughts toward the brevity of life. Our days are numbered. James 4:14 says whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.

As we grow older there are some questions most of us ask. Things like: Am I accomplishing anything of true value with my days? How important is physical beauty, anyway? Am I a wiser person today than I was 25 years ago?

I am trying to decide how transparent I should be. Okay, this is what I will say. These questions, along with watching my children grow up so quickly, have weighed heavily on me at times. Throw the hormonal issues in there (I read that the 40s can be compared to adolescence in how much the body is changing)…and, well, there have been some dark days. The only reason I share this is because I truly wish someone would have told me how emotionally charged the 40s would be. And just how much life would change. How much my body would change. And perhaps I am the only one who feels like this. I really don’t know.

I do know, however, that when my focus is on what isn’t going right in my life, what is changing in my life….that is when the dark moments come. When I turn my focus in the direction of others I don’t have time to think about these things. It is all a growing and learning process. But, according to my mom, I am half-way through it today! She tells me the 50s are a lot better! I hope so, but I am in no hurry to find out…

Once, very long ago, I was walking through a mall. A plaque caught my eye. I don’t buy a lot of plaques, but I did buy this one. It said “Don’t regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.” It has helped me keep perspective for many years about this growing older thing. It is a privilege to be alive…and, I, for one, am grateful for that privilege.

Growing Up

Leave a Comment / March 17, 2011 October 1, 2014

My son wrote an essay for an English assignment the other day. The topic was something like this: “something you have done for a long time and how it has changed as you have grown up”. He picked the topic of a trade show that our family business participates in. In the essay, he shared how, when he was a little boy, he would stand in his company shirt and try to look official, desperately hoping that someone would take him seriously by asking him a question about our company. One day, someone did ask him a question– but he didn’t know the answer. He found out the answer and made sure to know it for the next time.

Fast forward to this year’s show. Not only did he get asked lots of questions, but he knew most of the answers, too. You see, in the natural progression of growing up, he has learned about our company and about the trade. He has become a young man who can talk with others about our company and even our industry quite knowledgeably.

Let’s think about that in light of our Christian walk. How many of us are growing up in our knowledge of God’s Word? How many of us still squirm when we are approached by someone who has a specific problem or question, struggling to remember the location of the verse or even which book of the Bible addresses the question? Or we have a great chance to witness, but we are shy because we are scared we won’t know what to say. When it comes right down to it, we don’t know the Bible. We say we believe it, but we are like that little boy in the company shirt, standing around looking official, but not really knowing our stuff. We may look like grown-ups but we are little children spiritually.

We blame our memories. We blame our lack of time and busy lifestyles. We blame lots of things. But maybe we need to stop worrying about why and just do something about it.

As I write this, I am condemning myself. I have been a Christian, by the incredible grace of God, for a very long time. My knowledge of God’s Word is not in accordance with how long I have been a Christian. I have recently been convicted of this and have made some changes in my Bible study time.

I want to know God’s Word. I want to be able to “always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you” (see verse below). Because let’s face it–God blesses us by using us, but he can’t use us if we aren’t ready to be used. We need to take our focus off of our own agendas and our own busy lives and make some room in our lives to learn God’s Word. We need to stop relying on the little bits of knowledge we may have learned years ago–in Bible school or Bible quizzing or church–and start digging into the word, perhaps even memorizing some passages.

We need to start growing up in the Lord.

1 Peter 3:15
But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear;