Friendship – Page 5 – Growing 4 Life

Wednesday Wisdom: The Pledge

Leave a Comment / March 13, 2013 March 13, 2013

What are our rights as Christians? Do we have the right to a beautiful home and two cars? Do we have the right to have a healthy family? Do we have the right to be happy?

Perhaps most of Christians’ heartaches, contentions, and worries are born because of this thinking that we have special rights.

I came across this pledge the other day, written by a Sunday School teacher named Russell Kelfer. He was a Bible teacher at Wayside Chapel in San Antonio, Texas for over 20 years and has left us many lessons, poems, and stories. But perhaps nothing he wrote is so convicting as this Christian Pledge. Could you sign this?

____________________________

Having been born into the kingdom of God, I do hereby acknowledge that God’s purchase of my life included all the rights and control of that life for all eternity.

I do further acknowledge that He has not guaranteed me to be free from pain or to have success or prosperity. He has not guaranteed me perfect health. He has not guaranteed me perfect parents. He has not guaranteed me perfect children. He has not guaranteed me the absence of pressures, trials, misunderstandings, or persecution.

What He has promised me is eternal life. What He has promised me is abundant life. What He has promised me is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, meekness, and self-control. He has given me all of Himself in exchange for the rights to my life.

Therefore I acknowledge this day the relinquishment of all my rights and expectations, and humbly ask Him by His grace to replace these with a grateful spirit, for whatever in His wisdom He deems to allow for my life.

_________________________________

Your signature here

But It’s All I’ve Got

Leave a Comment / March 7, 2013 March 7, 2013

My house is getting old and needs updating

But it’s the only house I’ve got

And it’s a home full of love and memories

I’m driving around in a car with a big dent

But it’s the only car I’ve got

And it gets me where I need to go

Going back to work on Monday is hard

But it’s the only job I’ve got

And I know many do not have a job at all

My family can drive me crazy

But they are the only family I’ve got

I can’t imagine what I’d do without them

Sometimes I don’t like what God allows in my life

But He’s the one and only God

And I know He knows best

This is just a silly poem that I thought of last night as I was laying in my bed complaining in my heart about some minor irritation. I was suddenly hit with the thought: what if that person was no longer in your life? That thought immediately changed my feelings from irritation to overwhelming gratitude. I thought of how blessed I am, not only in that relationship, but in so many ways.

But when we focus on the negative, we have a hard time finding those blessings. So today, let’s flip flop it. When a negative thought wants to surface about your situation or a family member or your house or your car or a friend, take a moment and think about what your life would be like without them. Sometimes–for the little stuff–that is enough to put your world back in perspective.

But if it’s not and there is a genuine problem to be solved, bring a heart of gratitude for the blessings you do have and for what the Lord is teaching you. This will serve as an encouragement and a help as you work through the problem.

I know I’ve written on this topic many times before. But, as my thoughts showed me last night, I still have a long way to go. And, just in case I am not alone, I didn’t figure it would hurt to write a reminder for myself and anyone else who needs it!

Psalm 79:13 So we, Your people and sheep of Your pasture, Will give You thanks forever; We will show forth Your praise to all generations.

Basic Principles for Digital & Social Media

Leave a Comment / March 1, 2013 March 1, 2013

Yes, I realize it’s Friday and not a normal posting day. However, I came upon this today and I just couldn’t wait until Wednesday to post it. This is good stuff! I found it in The Berean Call Newsletter. What a great reminder!

Basic Principles for Digital & Social Media

Excerpts from: Biblically Handling Technology and Social Media by Biblical Discipleship Ministries

The speed at which technology has advanced in just the last decade is incredible! We are literally reeling with all the “new.” With so many innovations happening so quickly, it is easy to carelessly accept what is going on around us without mentally taking a step back and evaluating our Christian response to the times in which we live. In 1 Chronicles 12:32, the Bible talks about how the children of Issachar . . . were men that had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do. We should accept this challenge to understand the times in which we live and learn how we, as Christians, should respond to our culture in a way that reflects a biblical worldview….

The danger in mindlessly copying the world’s ways or responses is that we can easily be led into carelessness, foolishness, and sinfulness, often even becoming enslaved. Where are you today? Have you become a slave of texting, Facebook, YouTube, a blog (or other people’s blogs; maybe you are a blogaholic!)? Or rather, have you learned how to make these cultural trends your servants–making sure that you remain their master? Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? (Rom. 6:16).

All that God has provided, including these devices, can be tools for ministry. Tools usually have an intended use. As believers, our intended purpose is to be focused on doing all we do to further His kingdom. We are His ambassadors (2 Cor. 5:20); therefore, let us use whatever we have to serve Him well, giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed (2 Cor. 6:3)….

Consider the following principles to help you better glorify God and thus be a good ambassador for Him.

Don’t Be Rude – Show Respect For Others

One way that you can be distinctively different from the world while using any kind of device is to think of others more highly than yourself (Phil. 2:3-4). When God’s people make the conscious effort to stop putting “me” first, they are less apt to be rude and more able to think of others’ needs and feelings above their own. We have to remember that it can become uncomfortable for a person to try to communicate with someone who is constantly checking a phone or texts, using an iPod or Bluetooth ear bud, or is unable to look away from her Facebook page for even a minute to look directly at the one who is speaking to her. Being inconsiderate (rude) with our devices and social media sources can be especially discouraging for those who are less involved with the newest electronic and digital trends (e.g., those who didn’t grow up in the technology generation–many elderly and even some middle-aged people). Don’t allow yourself to use anything in a way that could make others feel inferior….

[The Scriptures say]: Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself (Mk. 12:31); andFinally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous (1 Pet. 3:8)….The Lord Jesus always treated people as important-more important than Himself. We need to be concerned about practicing the principles He has given us for loving others (see 1 Cor. 13:4-8). Specifically remember the principle that love is not self-seeking. We must train ourselves to die to our selfish desires as the Apostle Paul encourages in 1 Corinthians 15:31: I die daily….

Don’t Be Excessive

Remember the Fruit of the Spirit and exercise temperance (self-control) (Gal. 5:22-24)! Don’t forget to let all things be done decently and in order (1 Cor. 14:40). Take a minute to re-evaluate your life and consider how much time you are spending in the Word, witnessing, serving (within our families, churches, or communities), compared to the time spent on a phone, MacBook, iPad, MySpace, blogspot, video game, or any Internet activity.

Don’t Be Possessive Or Too Dependent

Remember these Biblical admonitions: Turn ye not unto idols, nor make to yourselves molten gods: I am the LORD your God (Lev. 19:4). Ye shall make you no idols (Lev. 26:1). Consider taking certain days to “fast” from your devices or media, replacing that time with a renewed focus on improving your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ so that you do not allow idols into your life.

Don’t Be Secretive

If there is something about your text messages, voice messages, phone numbers on your call log, song selections on your iPod or Mp3, content of your social network or blog, YouTube selections, or your Internet browsing choices that would embarrass you if someone in an authority position (parent, grandparent, spouse, church leader, friend) in your life knew about it, or that you would become defensive concerning, it is a very good sign that it is something that would not honor the Lord (see Prov. 10:17)….

Each day when you pick up your phone or portable media player or log into your social networking account, ask God to help you use them in ways that will please Him. Allowing a parent or spouse to have the password to your personal media or entertainment options will help keep you accountable. Applying scriptural principles to your use of technology-based systems and social media is a great way to guard yourself from being in bondage to them. But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage? (Gal. 4:9).

Communicate With A Purpose

Incorporating “yourself” into your social network or blog in a God-glorifying manner for example could be posting that you had specifically prayed for something and the Lord answered. Instead of talking about your achievements, talk about your latest ministry or witnessing adventure, mission trip, or family day. Share about the blessings and the challenges that the Lord gave you through those activities. Talk about the people you spend time with and the character qualities that you like in them. Use media options to glorify the Lord by having a true meaning to your posts. Ask the Lord to give you a redeeming purpose for your blog, Facebook, and YouTube posts, or personal websites. It is important to once again stress that we as Christians need to be distinctively (yes, even radically) different in the way that we use whatever the world promotes or the culture deems acceptable. The strength of the choice is in your hands. By God’s grace, you do not have to allow anything to have power over you (2 Cor. 12:9-10).

Wednesday Wisdom: Sentimental Love is Making Us Sick

4 Comments / February 20, 2013 June 6, 2016

This article was in the Wretched Radio Newsletter. What a great commentary on the modern definition of “love”, which resembles biblical love so slightly, they can hardly be called the same thing.

Sentimental Love is Making Us Sick

Sentimental love flows from the polluted well of postmodernism. Sentimental love is the offspring of moral relativism, which denies absolute truth. Sentimental love is not based on fact or truth, but on emotions.

What does sentimental love look like?

– You can’t make a woman keep a baby if she doesn’t want it.

– You can’t deny two men the joy of marriage if it makes them happy.

– You can believe whatever you want to as long as you believe it is true.

– Women should have equal rights, therefore, they should be allowed to go into military combat.

– If pot makes people happy, then we should legalize it.

While the world continues to define love predominantly as “sentimentality,” Christians are commanded to show agape love to both Christian and heathen alike. What is agape love? It is one of the four types of love described in the Bible.

1. Eros love: sensual, romantic love.

2. Philial love: brotherly love.

3. Storge love: familial love.

4. Agape love: self-sacrificing love.

Here is the rub; sentimental love is purely emotional, while agape love is based on what is true, right and good. In the world’s mind, sentimental love always trumps agape love. That is why your love for the world is so often received as hatred.

– Tell a woman that abortion is murder and you are waging war against her.

– Tell two men that gay sex is bad for them and you are intolerant.

– Tell women that combat is a man’s job and you are labeled a Neanderthal.

As the world continues to grow increasingly sentimental, we must continue to genuinely love them by telling them the truth. Even if they hate us for it.

I once was blind, but now I see!

1 Comment / February 18, 2013 February 18, 2013

Since my mother was a little girl she has been almost blind. She was quite unable to see or do much of anything without the aid of her eyeglasses. Somewhere during my childhood she got contact lenses and that made it more convenient. But the bottom line was that, unless she had some correction for her eyes, she only saw dark, undefined shapes.

But then a few months ago, she had the opportunity to get Lasik surgery. And I had the privilege of taking her to the appointment for her first eye. My daughter and I went for breakfast together while we waited for the surgeon to work his miracle in about an hour. When we returned we only waited for a few minutes before I was called back to see my mom in recovery.

As I entered the room I saw her sitting there with a clear bubble placed over her eye. She just kept saying, “This is amazing! This is amazing!”

Even with the bubble on, she could see incredibly clearly. She had gone from seeing only a dark, undefined, muddled world to seeing the whole world clearly!

What a great picture of what happens when we get saved. When we repent of our sins and are transformed by His glorious grace–only then are we given “spiritual sight”.

Matthew 13:16-17 puts it this way: “But blessed are your eyes for they see, and your ears for they hear;for assuredly, I say to you that many prophets and righteous men desired to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.“

While some things remain a mystery, we are given the gift of spiritual insight when we turn our lives over to Jesus Christ. Sure, it is not always an instant gift. But God gradually opens our eyes to the treasure of His Word and it becomes a bottomless well of wisdom and an incredible help for life.

But our unbelieving friends don’t understand. They mock us and they make decisions that destroy their lives and we just don’t understand why.

But if we stop and think for a moment, we do know why. They see darkly, unclearly. They don’t know what we do. And that means that, instead of harshly judging them, we should pray for them.

They are not living by the same rule book as you and I are. It seems so basic and yet we Christians seem to have a hard time understanding this.

If you got saved as an adult, you probably understand this so much better than me. You truly experienced a transformation. You know exactly what it means to live in blindness and then have your spiritual eyes opened upon your salvation. While I experienced a transformation as a child, it was much less dramatic.

This is why we should not point fingers of judgment at the world. They don’t get it. They really don’t. That is because they can’t SEE. They have not had spiritual surgery.

Today, let’s mourn–and pray– for our lost family and friends who are honestly unable to see the Truth. And let’s express our humble thanks to the Lord for this undeserved gift of spiritual sight. Only when we are saved can we understand these amazing words:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound!

that saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now am found

Was blind, but now I see!

Heart Hints

Leave a Comment / February 14, 2013 February 14, 2013

So it is February 14, the day we celebrate as Valentine’s Day. Some of us love this holiday. Many of us hate it. Some of us just want to ignore it. But no matter how you feel about the holiday, it is always appropriate to show how much you love someone. So, I thought I would lighten up the blog today a bit and share a few “heart hints” for us to consider.

1. Life is so short. Let’s enjoy and appreciate EVERY MINUTE we are given with the one we love. So often our focus turns instead to the things we don’t like or the stuff that is irritating. Let’s choose instead to be grateful.

2. True love isn’t always nice. Every so often we have to tell someone we love really difficult things. Sure, we need to say it in a loving, kind way, but sometimes no matter how you wrap it, it will sound harsh. But true love tells the truth.

3. Love is just downright hard sometimes. And for my single readers with their (unrealistic) dreams– let me dash them right now: no one rides off into the sunset to their own personal perfect kingdom. The knight’s armor grows rusty, the horse grows old, and the castle is drafty and damp. (I’m telling you the truth because I love you, even thought I know it may sound harsh!) But can we really experience all that love can be if it’s never hard?

4. One of the best places to be in the whole world is in the arms of the man or woman who loves you with all their heart and has proven it over and over again, in spite of your insensitivity and selfishness and big mouth and demanding requests…you fill in the rest of the sentence. Now that is the kind of love that long, happy marriages are made of. (yes, I know I just ended in a preposition, but sometimes it just is the best way to say something!)

5. Love has to look beyond the present pain. When we are going through a bad time, I try to remember how I felt when I fell in love with my husband. Or to our future hopes and dreams. If we get locked into the present and dwell on it, we tend to grow further and further apart. It’s important to keep a broader focus than just that moment.

6.It’s never out of fashion to let someone know you love them. If you aren’t normally a Valentine’s Day gift buyer, well, switch it up this year and go buy your wife or husband a gift! It doesn’t have to be expensive, but just something to show them how much they mean to us. Most of us end up in a rut and we forget to show our spouses just how much we appreciate them.

7. The stages of love are so exciting and such a gift from God! Young love is full of that initial excitement of wanting to be together all of the time, discovering the other person. And then, after marriage, we move into adjusting to living together and learning to give and take. After the kids come, we fall into a routine and have to work a little harder not to take each other for granted and to keep the romance alive. And then the kids grow up and start their own lives and we get to really enjoy one another’s company again. We are comfortable with each other and look forward to spending time together. Each of these stages has its blessings. We need to enjoy them for what they are.

8. It’s important to show love throughout the year with hugs and (real) kisses, holding hands, and with words of love and appreciation. This is especially important during that kid stage, when it is just so easy to lose touch with one another in the circus of busyness surrounding you.

9. Be careful of expectations. I have made this mistake over and over again (my poor husband). I get my hopes up for a special present or date and then when it isn’t up to my expectations I feel let down. I am learning not to have such high expectations. This applies to any relationship in life, not just husband and wife (I have done the same thing for Mother’s Day).

10. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never fails.* Oh, to love like this! If #10 was the only heart hint on this list it would be enough.

So there are ten things to think about today. And, please remember, I’m learning about love and marriage as I live my life, just like you, so please feel free to add your own heart hints in the comment section. I know you have learned valuable things, too, and I would love to hear them!

*I Corinthians 13:4-8

The Cardinal Rule of Confrontation

2 Comments / February 11, 2013 February 11, 2013

I was a little put out. One of my daughters had been one of the only children not invited to a birthday party among a group of my Christian friends. As I shared my irritation with a friend (mistake #1, I might add), she encouraged me to confront the other mother. After all, Matthew 18:15-17 says if we have a grievance we are to go to that person and share our offense.

But I dragged my feet. Was this a Matthew 18 issue? Sure I was upset. Yes, my daughter’s feelings had been hurt. But was this worthy of a confrontation? Had this mother really “sinned against me”?

Matthew 18 has to do with someone sinning against you. It is not about someone not inviting your child to a party, or your fellow committee member not liking your plan, or a friend bypassing you and turning to someone else for advice. It’s not about the coach not giving your child enough playing time or someone buying something you think they can’t afford.

Look, is there a place for some of these conversations? Absolutely. But not in the context of confrontation.

As I contemplated my situation all those years ago, I came to this conclusion about confrontation:

If I can pinpoint how this person has sinned (and therefore offended God) using scripture, then I need to consider biblical confrontation. If not, then it is probably wise to check my own heart and see if I am not the person who is sinning.

For example, going back to that party, I was offended. But why?

Because my daughter wasn’t important enough for the little girl to invite to her birthday party. Was that a sin on her mother’s part?

Nope. Not at all.

No, the sin was on me. My pride had been hurt and I was placing that before a godly relationship with a Christian sister. Oh, working through this didn’t come easy. But I have learned that if I am hurt or offended, it is wise to wait a few days and to spend some time in prayer, asking God to reveal the state of my heart.

Now, most of us prefer not to ever confront someone and so we ignore Matthew 18 altogether. Instead we gossip and mark the other person as our “un-friend”. We never give them another chance, but, instead, write them off for life.

But perhaps the same rule applies: Did the person really sin? Or did they simply offend me?

So many broken relationships. So many hurt hearts.

As much as it is up to us, we need to just get over it.

Life isn’t perfect. People aren’t perfect. Let’s move on in life. After all, we ourselves are not without our offensive moments, are we? And if there is sin, well, then we’d better obey scripture and confront in a biblical manner.

All these years later, I don’t think that other mother ever knew the hurt that resulted from that missing invitation. I worked through it and we continued our friendship like it never happened.

I have found this rule to be a great one to follow. But, of course, it only works if you are committed to not holding grudges in your heart. But that’s a subject for another day.

The Death of a Friendship

8 Comments / February 4, 2013 June 11, 2013

This post has been sitting in draft mode for at least six months. It is rather difficult to post because of the very vulnerable feelings I have chosen to share. I have also hesitated to post it because I don’t want anyone to think that I am pointing a finger at my old friend. I’m not. However, because I have talked to so many other women who have gone through similar situations, I felt I must share this sometime. That time is today. I hope that there is at least one other person out there who receives comfort and hope from reading what I am going to share.

So here we go–

“This friendship is taking too much work and I just can’t deal with you right now,” were the icy words issuing forth from the mouth of my best friend of fifteen years.

I felt my heart sink deep within as I tried to comprehend her words. I knew that our friendship was on rocky ground, which was why I had requested we meet together over coffee. However, I never expected to be so fully dismissed and rejected in the fell swoop of one sentence.

This woman and I had shared a kindred spirit that many other women envied. We had cried together over our children, she had been there for me through a difficult miscarriage, and I had supported her through a painful time in her marriage. We had discussed our passion for God and living a godly life in countless phone conversations and during dozens of play dates.

As the weeks, and then months, went by I realized that she was serious. Our friendship was completely and utterly over. She had rejected me with an entirety that was astonishing.

All these years later I continue to look back on that moment with bewilderment and hurt. But God also used it to teach me some very important lessons.

I discovered that He never changes. While men and women on earth change constantly, God is the rock that will never move. I can trust Him wholly and completely with my life. Oh, what a comfort in the midst of difficult days!

I learned to trust in God’s sovereignty in all areas of my life. As I reflect back on the final two or three years of that friendship, I realize that it had been draining me of precious energy instead of building me up. Perhaps she felt that way, too, and had the courage to just end it instead of letting it die a long, torturous death. Perhaps God was protecting both of us from further hurt down the road. Whatever the reason, I learned that I must believe that my heavenly Father knows best and rely on His plan, rather than my own.

And God taught me that wherever there is love, there is also great risk for hurt. But I also learned that He will walk with me through that hurt. I had loved deeply and I had been hurt deeply. For awhile afterwards, I held myself at arm’s length from everyone but my family. But over time, I realized that God wasn’t teaching me never to love again but instead that He will be there for me when the inevitable hurt comes around. And choosing to love, if we are believers in Jesus Christ, isn’t an option but a command.

He also taught me that my worth is found in Him alone. I don’t know if you have ever experienced such utter rejection, but I found it the most devastating, empty feeling I have ever experienced. Even now, all these years later, when I think on it, I still feel the sting of it. The tendency is to start making assumptions about yourself. I am a terrible person. I am a rotten friend. I must have done something just awful. God taught me to rest in Him. I wasn’t a perfect friend. I know that. But I have found forgiveness and acceptance from my heavenly Father. He is so faithful! He will never say that I am not worth the effort, but stays by me no matter what mistakes I make. What a comfort in a time of such complete and utter rejection.

And, lastly, I had no choice but to learn that some answers are never going to be available to me. I have come to understand that I will probably never truly know exactly why my best friend chose to end that friendship the way she did. For awhile, I hung onto the hope that we would have a good, long chat to air things out. I knew that the friendship would never be the same, but I was hoping for some insight into the situation. I now know that I need to relinquish my insatiable curiosity and move on with my life.

I will always remember that friendship with great fondness. God provided much needed support through that special friend and He gave me wonderful memories that I will treasure all of my life. I will also remember the friendship with great sadness. It was a tragic end to a beautiful relationship. But I know that God has taught me many things through this trial and for that I am deeply grateful. God knows best and I know that I can rely on Him to see me through even the hardest of times. He has proven this to me over and over again. I may never know why, but I rest in God’s plan and thank Him for helping me to forgive and move on with my life.

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