Family – Page 28 – Growing 4 Life

Floating the right direction

Leave a Comment / July 25, 2011 July 25, 2011

It was so HOT. Even in the mountains. So we grabbed some tubes and headed to the creek. We were floating gently along, feeling the warm sunshine on our faces, when I felt someone bump into me. My good friend had purposely pushed her husband’s tube away from hers inadvertently towards me. She quipped, “I meant to push him away but not towards another woman!” and we joked about the symbolism of that and I told her it would probably end up in one of my blogs. And here it is!

I couldn’t let that one go. We do that, don’t we? We gently push our spouse away. We don’t plan to push them towards someone else’s arms. That is truly not our intention. Perhaps we just are struggling through something we don’t want to share with them (which is never a good idea, anyway) or maybe we tend to be more solitary and like to be alone or maybe we work too much or focus too much on the kids instead of our spouse.

Sometimes we just would rather watch TV than listen to our best friend talk about his golf game or her trip to the mall. We are too lazy to get up off the chair and look at something they created or fixed or found.

Or perhaps we have become much more comfortable at sharing the negative about them and the positive about others. When men tell their wives they are too fat or too skinny or their feet or nose are too big…that is like giving his wife a giant push away from him. And when a wife tells her husband that “you don’t know what you’re doing” or jokes about his faults in front of their friends…she is doing the same. We need to be so very careful with our words.

And, finally, one day, after years of bad communication patterns, we wake up and our spouse is in someone else’s arms. They are looking towards someone else to meet their needs for love and respect and passion. If they aren’t needed at home then they will go somewhere else. It happens over and over again…each and every day. It is one of the most tragic events in existence. Families crumble, children suffer.

A successful marriage takes so much work. And we make choices to keep our spouse close or to push them away every day. Every marriage goes through cycles, but if it is made up of only pushing away it means your inner tubes are floating further and further away from each other. And the further you float away, the harder it is–the more work it is– to swim back towards each other again.

But it is worth the work! No matter where you find yourself. And today is a good day to start! If you have been struggling giving attention to your spouse, make today a new beginning! Listen to them today. Be kind. And keep that inner tube close to yours, before they float away out of sight!

Giving Second Chances

Leave a Comment / June 30, 2011 April 5, 2014

Leslie and Kelly — Kelly and I in our freshman year, when we both still had a lot of growing up to do! So glad we were able to give each other a second chance and go on to enjoy a lifetime friendship!

We always hear about taking second chances–but how about giving them? We all know that first impressions are often behind firm opinions we make about others.

But what if your first impression is wrong? What if what you heard them say wasn’t really what they said? What if–in a moment of fear or anger–they said something they didn’t mean? What if that air of arrogance and pride is a wall of protection that has been built by a deeply hurt heart?

But judging on first impressions means two things. First, we make a snap judgement that is often inaccurate and unless that person comes back into our world in a very profound way, we will keep that opinion forever. Second, we lose all opportunity to minister or develop a friendship because we figure they are “too far gone” or “we won’t have anything in common”.

In my freshman year of college–over 25 years ago now– I ended up with a roommate who was about as different from me as you could get. I was the sheltered, opinionated girl from a Christian background. She was the worldly, new believer from a difficult past. We both made very serious judgements about each other, causing our freshman year to be extremely challenging for both of us. By the time it was over, we weren’t speaking much. In fact, all of our sophomore year was mostly spent avoiding each other. But at the beginning of our junior year, we ran into each other and just started chatting and we realized something– we had both grown up a bit. We had both changed. Ironically, and by the grace of God, we developed a strong, wonderful friendship that continues to this day.

That friendship developed because both of us were willing to give the other a second chance. We had to forgive and we had to believe that people can change.

Do you believe that? Do you believe that people can change? Or do you make a snap judgement that you never re-visit? Think about someone who just irritates you or maybe someone you wrote off a long time ago. Think on why you made that decision about them. Have you thought about them lately? Have you considered that they might have changed? Or that maybe…possibly…your original judgement may have been wrong??

Sure, some people never change. And some people make it difficult to give them a second chance. But– if we truly believe that God is God–then we have to believe that God can change people. We should never, ever write someone off as hopeless. And we should never, ever make a permanent decision about someone based on a first impression. But we all do it.

Do yourself a big favor–strike up a conversation with someone you decided you don’t care for–or maybe even downright dislike. You may be surprised. You may realize that you can get along with each other, after all. At the very least, you may gain insight into why that person behaves in the way they do. You may walk away saying you never want to do that again but at least you tried. At least you looked past that one bad impression to see the real person.

When right feels wrong

Leave a Comment / June 27, 2011 June 27, 2011

It is so much easier to do the right thing if our percentages for a positive outcome increase. For example, drinking and driving leads to a much greater chance of an accident…succumbing to a fit of anger leads to strife within your family…stealing could lead to an arrest and jail time.

But…it gets a little harder to do the right thing when the percentages for a positive outcome look a little fuzzy…or even downright nonexistent. What happens then? When you have a friend who is living in sin, do you confront them in love, like the Bible tells us to? Or what about a child who says they will “hate” you if you don’t let them do “X”? Do you stand up for what’s right, even in the face of that heart-breaking statement?

You see, when we choose to do what’s right, we do not always have instant gratification. We do not always see the benefit of that right away. And, frankly, sometimes we never see the benefits.

Many, many years ago, I watched someone confront someone about something that was sinful in their life. It was done with love and grace. But it didn’t really matter…because that person’s heart was hard. And the relationship between them was affected permanently. To my knowledge, it was never restored. So, did the person who did the confronting do the right thing? Yep. Did they have a positive outcome? Nope.

But sometimes you just have to wait for awhile to see the positive outcome. Like, take me, for instance. I have written in journals since I was in 6th grade. One day, while dealing with my own teenagers, I decided to read over what I had written as a teenager. What I found there was surprising. I did not remember the anger…true anger…I felt towards my parents when I was not allowed to do certain things. The anger was shocking! But here I was, 30+ years later, and it had all faded. The only feeling that was left in me was deep appreciation and a grateful heart for my parents’ solid commitment to be obedient to the Lord above all.

So often we find ourselves caving in to the “possible outcomes” instead of doing the right thing. We think through all of the possibilities. And then we grow scared. And we do nothing. But, in the long run, we pay. That friendship you are guarding will grow weaker as you and your friend travel in different directions. That child, who is crying out for boundaries (no matter what their mouth is saying), will often walk away from God, figuring it just doesn’t matter.

But not everything needs a conversation, either. After much experience, I have learned to speak up with much more hesitation and discernment. Let’s be honest–some things…many things…are not worthy to be confronted. And many people who are outside your intimate circle have no interest in listening to you (unless you are their pastor or another spiritual leader). We need to be wise!

If we determine that we need to take the step for a conversation, here are a few other questions to ask that are helpful: Is the sin I see habitual? Is the person committing the sin truly committed to the Lord? Will this sin destroy their life if they continue on in this path?

Doing the right thing is not always easy. In fact, it is often the opposite. But we need to strive to do the right thing in all circumstances. Not just when we can rely on positive results. Easier said than done.

2 Thessalonians 3:13 But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good. ¹⁴ And if anyone does not obey our word in this epistle, note that person and do not keep company with him, that he may be ashamed. ¹⁵ Yet do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.

On traveling to a third world country, part 2

Leave a Comment / June 23, 2011 April 26, 2017

As I have been processing all that I observed and experienced on my trip, I have come up with a list of insights and thoughts. It is not comprehensive, of course, but here are some of the things I realized and learned while on my trip to Haiti–

1. If you have enough food to feed your children you are blessed. If you have enough food to feed yourself, you are doubly blessed.

2. People have very similar emotions and relationships and personalities…no matter where you travel.

3. America is a beautiful place.

4. What I complain and moan about often isn’t all that important.

5. Happiness is not dependent on material wealth.

6. The choices here in this country for just about anything (cereal, paint colors, golf courses) are almost unheard of in other parts of the world.

7. If living for Jesus doesn’t ever take us outside our comfort zone, then we are missing out on some huge blessings.

8. Don’t let the porters at the airport intimidate you into handing over your life savings!

9. Clear, pure water from your faucet is an amazing blessing that most of the world does not have.

10. Sharing the gospel isn’t as hard as we think it is.

11. The sky in Haiti is unspeakably beautiful.

12. Trash Collectors provide us with a wonderful service which we take very much for granted.

13. America is a beautiful place (yes, I know I put that one twice).

14. A person’s conscience will inform them that they are living in sin if they are living with someone of the opposite sex and they are not married.

15. The few flowers I did spot were like beacons of color in a mosaic of brown, sandy dirt and green weeds.

16. Hearing a familiar worship song or hymn sung in a different language is a reminder of how all nations will all worship together in Heaven.

17. If you have a house with electricty and running water, you are in the top 20% of the richest people in the world.

18. God’s timing is impeccable.

19. Heaven must look much sweeter to someone who lives in a barren field, in a small tent, with rice and beans making up 90+% of their diets.

I could go on and on. Mostly, I realized the many blessings I take for granted, but instead should be deeply thankful for. But many of these things are material blessings. And while I realized how rare and unusual it is to enjoy them, I realized something even more important—

20. If we have heard the gospel and embraced it…If we have changed and transformed lives because we are so in love with our Savior…if we are truly saved from our sins and not just making an empty profession…THEN we can claim to be brothers and sisters in Christ. And it doesn’t matter from what country we hail…the color of our skin…or the language we speak. And the joy that can be found worshipping with other brothers and sisters who also love the Lord is unspeakable.

On traveling to a third world country

Leave a Comment / June 20, 2011 April 26, 2017

I spent last week in Haiti with my family. When we arrived at Port Au Prince, it was with great fear and trepidation, as none of us had ever been to a third world country. As we traveled from the airport to the compound where we were to stay, our eyes beheld unbelievably sad conditions. From the makeshift tent communities set up everywhere to the little boxes they called “bathrooms” to the men standing on the streets because of a 75% unemployment rate. It was hard to take it all in. As our eyes scanned the countryside, we saw half built buildings, the place where they buried 200,000 victims of the earthquake in a mass grave, and cattle, donkeys, and goats anywhere and everywhere, all with their ribs clearly showing. As we observed, we talked about the hopelessness we saw in the country. Can this country ever be “fixed”?

But during the course of the week, we realized that our job (and the job of the missionaries serving there) is not to fix the country. It is to share the gospel and minister to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

It reminds me so much of that story where the the father and daughter were walking along the seashore among thousands of stranded sea stars. The father started throwing them back in the ocean one by one. The little girl looked at her father and sadly said, “you aren’t even making a difference”. And the father, with great wisdom, replied: “it makes a difference to that one”. I thought of that story often this week. It makes a difference to that one. We were there to minister to whomever God put in front of us. In is His sovereignty, He knew whose heart was ready to hear the gospel. He knew who needed encouragement to keep going. Because He knows everything.

And the interesting thing was…while we were there to minister to the Haitians, they in turn ministered to us. The joy in the lives of the Christians there is a wonderful thing seldom seen here in America. The warm hugs given without reservation to a stranger would be unusual here.

Sure, they have lots of problems, even in their Christian communities. And only being there a week gave us little insight into the working of the communities. But it was with great humility that I observed the grateful eyes and heard the soft spoken “mercis” with which they took a bag filled with rice and beans that would feed their family for at least a month. And I felt great shame over the things I find myself complaining about. We are living so far above survival here in the states that we have lost track of what truly matters.

You see, life is really not about us. Most of us Christians will walk around saying that with our mouths…but do our lives match our words? I know that I, personally, love my comfort zone. But what if that comfort zone is not where God wants me? Are we willing to go where He asks? Whether it be to a different country, the inner city here in America, or to bring foster children into your home? What are YOU doing to further God’s Kingdom?

Luke 12:48b says “For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” No matter your economic status here in the United States…even if you are on welfare…you have more than 80% of the rest of the world. You have been given MUCH. What are you doing with what you have been given? It is a question that should truly be considered by all of us.

5 Things We Can Learn from Children

Leave a Comment / June 6, 2011 May 22, 2015

The other night my daughter was babysitting a one year old. The adorable little girl came into our home, looked around, and made herself at home. She smiled at all of us, started eating the dinner that was being fed to her, and was content. It led to a conversation at our dinner table about how little children can just come into a strange home and feel right at home and how we, as adults, can’t do that. It got me thinking about a few things we can learn from children who are blissfully unaware of all of the social implications of their actions–

1) No pretensions. Have you ever talked with a little child? They are who they are. They are not strutting around pretending to be someone they are not. There is no wondering if the child is upset or happy or angry. We always know, don’t we? There hasn’t been years of wall-building and hypocrisy to dig our way through. While I am not suggesting it is healthy to express our emotions at every opportunity, I am suggesting that I think this world and our churches would benefit greatly if we would stop trying to impress one another. So many of us have built these thick walls around our hearts and lives. What would happen if we would tear our walls down and get real?

2) Live in the Moment. Have you ever seen a little guy dance to a tune that was playing? It is a joy to see the little legs bouncing up and down, as they try to move to the beat. But somewhere along the way, we forget to dance. We forget to enjoy the moment. We get wrapped up in taking kids to soccer, in paying the bills, in doing the housework. You know the old saying–Stop and smell the roses? Perhaps we should do that more often in life. Just stop and enjoy the moment. Enjoy watching the birds in your backyard. Enjoy petting your dog for a moment. Watch your child chase butterflies and hunt bugs. Stop and really watch your husband wrestling with the kids. Grab a hand and dance joyfully to the song playing. These are beautiful moments the Lord gives us. Let’s not take them for granted. Those fleeting moments are what make up the tapestry of our vaporous lives.

3) Eat until your full. Children do not continue to stuff themselves after they are full. They only eat when they are hungry. They obey the mechanism that God so intelligently designed and when their bellies feel hungry, they eat. And when they feel full, they stop eating. Somewhere along the way, many of us have stopped obeying that mechanism. It’s breakfast time? Then I have to eat, even if I am not hungry. I am at a party with a table full of delicious food? I have to try some, even if I just ate a complete meal before I came. I wonder what would happen if, as adults, we continued to obey our hungry and full signals?

4) Don’t Let the Fear of Others’ Opinions Rule You. Some of my favorite “mommy” moments were when I could get my babies to start giggling. They would give this big belly laugh, filling my heart with pure joy. They didn’t worry what anyone was thinking about them. They didn’t worry about if they were cool or look around, wondering if someone noticed that they “snorted”. Because it didn’t matter. They were having fun! So often, we let the fear of others’ reactions dominate our choices. While I understand that we do need to be concerned about others and about our Christian testimony, sometimes we may be concerned about unimportant things. Does it really matter if the neighbor thinks you are crazy for catching fireflies at dusk? Does it really matter if you play a game and people make fun of how you run (personal experience on that one!)? Does it really matter if you fall on the ice? Or if your hair gets wet? So often we let the fear of people’s opinions and reactions keep us from enjoying our lives.

5) Be okay with the way God made you. Ever see a baby wear make-up? Or get plastic surgery? So, let’s be honest. If you are like me–aging quickly–you are not feeling so adorable. Many of us won’t even leave the house without make-up. But why not? Why do we feel the need to have something on our faces to face the public? Why do so many feel the need to enlarge or reduce areas of their body through plastic surgery? Why isn’t the way God made us good enough? Instead of being grateful for the incredible body God designed, we complain that our noses are too large, our hair is too curly, our legs are too short, our hips, too narrow or too wide. But children are not conscious of this yet. They just are. Sometimes I wish we could appreciate the amazing body we have been given without the constant attitude of criticism that almost every woman (and man??) feels when they look in the mirror.

Unfortunately, real life takes its toll and, sooner rather than later, we all learn some pretty hard lessons. People can’t be trusted. The way I look isn’t good enough. You know the dialogue. But perhaps we can learn just a few things from the children in our lives.

Just a thought for today…

On love and respect…and tone of voice

1 Comment / May 26, 2011 May 26, 2011

The other day, as I was shopping in the store, I heard a woman’s voice say, “You bring too much junk food into the house. You have to stop it”. Or something like that. But her TONE of voice said “You stupid idiot, what is wrong with you?! ” I turned to see who she was speaking to and found an older couple. The woman was speaking in this condescending, holier-than-thou, tone to her husband, who was shuffling behind her with his head down. What is wrong with this picture? This is one of many times I have seen a person treat someone who should be…at one time probably was…the love of their life with condescension and unkindness.

Have you ever seen spouses treat each other like this? Have you ever treated your spouse like this? I know I have. I recognized the tone of voice the woman was using, because, sadly, I have used it on occasion. But if we get in the habit of treating our spouse this way, we are essentially adding bricks to a wall that will grow taller and stronger with each incident. And, if we are not careful, it will end up casting a dark shadow over the relationship, eventually drowning out the light. We need to constantly be on guard against treating our spouses in this way.

And this goes for your private moments, too–just because you are a model wife or husband in public does not mean you are treating them with love and respect at home. Many is the couple who look so happy on the outside, but their true relationship is quite the opposite. And, oftentimes, the breakdown in these relationships started when we stopped treating one another with respect and kindness.

The other day, I came across a couple I had never met. The woman had to leave for a moment and the husband proceeded to spout off several unkind remarks about his wife, then rolled his eyes when he told me they had been married 50 years. I got the impression that he felt like the last 50 years had been a mild form of torture. The only thing that made him light up was when I asked about his grandkids. When the woman returned, she gave me the impression that she was unpleasant and bossy. From the outside, it looks as if this couple has lost all respect and love for one another. It was heart-breaking. I wonder if all of those years of treating one another with disrespect and unkindness had changed a couple who had pledged to love one another for eternity to two people that couldn’t stand one another?

If this is something you struggle with (and, if we are honest, many of us do, at least on occasion), why not sit down and have a heart to heart with your spouse and ask them if they feel like they are loved and respected? And, if not, why not? Find out if your words have degraded them…discouraged them…disheartened them. And if they work up the courage to be completely honest with you, do not make excuses. Do not grow defensive. Listen carefully. Apologize.

Treat your spouse with love and respect. Honor them. Be grateful for the way God made them. Remember why you fell in love. And, in the process, let’s be a shining example of marriage as God created it. Let’s show the world that it is possible to be in love for a lifetime!

Ephesians 5:22-33

In a Heartbeat

Leave a Comment / December 27, 2010 April 11, 2025

April 11, 2025 Update: I wrote the post below during the first year I started writing. It came to my attention this morning and it seems even more relevant now than ever, as several dear friends have gone on to be with the Lord and there have been some scary diagnoses since this was first written. Life really can change in a heartbeat. What an important thing to remember! We aren’t currently in the “holiday season” but we do have a holy day coming up in which we will often spend time with family and friends. It seems like a good time to repost this.

As I look back now over many things I wrote over the years, I realize that I would have written some things with a different tone or expressed them differently. I still believe wholeheartedly in the message below but I also know that life cannot always be wrapped up into a nice perfect package and topped with a bow. I am not sure I expressed this so clearly in what is written below, so I just want to remind my readers to please read what is below with Romans 12:18 in mind: If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

This isn’t about fixing relationships or changing them because this just isn’t always possible. Instead, this is to encourage all of us to, as much as it up to us, be at peace with others. It’s to encourage us to have abundant grace towards others and to forgive them freely. Life really is too short to hold on to grudges. I hope this encourages someone today. Here’s the original post—

——————

I can’t help but remember that last year at this time my uncle was rushed to the hospital after a tragic accident. By the end of January, he was with the Lord. I know of another woman who lost her battle with cancer this year. And several others who are fighting the battle of their lives against the “C” enemy. This time each year, I can’t help but look around me and thank the Lord for granting me another year to spend with my family and friends that are still here on earth. Because life can change. In a heartbeat.

I think we so often get caught up in the things that irritate us about those we love. Or maybe we focus on the political or spiritual disagreements we have with others. But, if we stop and think for just a moment…we realize that if that person wasn’t with us next year, we would miss them dreadfully. We need to remember to be thankful for the people in our lives. Because life can change. In a heartbeat.

Instead, we so often let things fester. Ephesians 4:26 says not to let the sun go down upon your wrath. How many of us obey that command from scripture and never go to bed angry? How many of us would rather hold on to our pride than heal a relationship? Or how many of us speak before thinking and say something unkind, not thinking of the hurt we are inflicting? Why do we make such a big deal out of the little things? What if that person was no longer here? Think of how ridiculous you would feel about holding such stupid grudges.

You see, we only live once. And life is too short to hold grudges and have broken relationships. The holidays are a time for family. And lots of times families are the ones who irritate us the most. But I encourage you to let the annoying things roll right off of your back– don’t hang onto them. Yes, this can sometimes be hard to do. But as you practice it more and more it will become easier. Instead, turn your thoughts towards the good things. The love that you have. What you have in common. The way that person has been a blessing to you. Because life is short. And life changes. In a heartbeat.

As for man, his days are like grass; 
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. 
For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, 
And its place remembers it no more.
Psalm 104:14-16

Aging with Grace

Leave a Comment / October 5, 2010 July 11, 2014

I am forty-four years old. 44! When I was in college I thought 40-somethings were OLD and, I guess if I were honest, somewhat irrelevant to my life. I was young and excited about the future before me. The last 20 years have flown by in a blur–so filled with activity and new experiences and busyness. And now much of what I was looking forward to is in my past, to some extent. Things like falling in love and getting married, having babies, and buying a home. I feel blessed beyond measure to have experienced each of these things. Some of you have had other dreams–maybe it was traveling the world or being a missionary or owning your own company. Many of us, by this time in our lives, have seen the fruition of some of our dearest and most important dreams. So now what?

Now what do we look forward to? Age spots? Wrinkles? Gray hair? Eyes that can’t see as well? Should my priority be to make myself look as young as possible? I can use all kinds of powders and gels and creams and I can eat right and exercise–and they may delay the process of growing old–but they will not stop the process of my body aging. We cannot stop the clock.

In this culture, where physical beauty and youth are so highly valued, it is sometimes easy to feel very irrelevant. We feel like we have little of value to offer young people. They seem like they know it all. But, if I think back on those days, I know two things without a shadow of a doubt–

One (and, by far, the most important): I didn’t know it all, I only thought I did.

And two: The adults who influenced me–the ones I would listen to–were the ones who cared deeply about me.

The Bible says:

Job 12:12 Wisdom is with aged men, and with length of days, understanding.

Proverbs 16:31 Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.

Proverbs 20:29 The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.

There is a natural occurrence of getting wiser as you get older. Yes, there are some exceptions to this. I am sure we can all think of at least one. But most of us, as we experience joy, devastation, even endless days of routine, will be learning. Learning to grow in a deeper walk with God, to trust Him, and to walk by faith. Over the course of the last 20 years, I have learned that I do not have all of the answers. And I have learned that I still have much growing to do on this journey.

But I have also learned how to handle some things in a godly way. And I am learning how to react and respond to the things I cannot change. And, as this learning process occurs, whether we are 22 or 52 or 91, we have learned something that could help a person coming behind us in this journey of life.

May we care deeply about those coming after us. May we share the wisdom that God has granted us through our experiences of living life. And may we continue to look to Him and His word as our final authority. We must remember that it is not our opinions that matter, but what God says. If we live that and speak that and share that, maybe God will use us to help a younger person in need of guidance. Let’s turn our eyes outward and use these years to glorify God and help others along their way!

Expectations

Leave a Comment / August 1, 2010 October 29, 2014

Expectations. Expectations that someone has for who they think you should be. But it doesn’t mesh with who you really are. I am not talking about sin issues here but opinion issues. Choices people make differently because God made them differently. And yet, because you might not make a choice the way someone else makes it, you are judged.

I have struggled through this recently with someone in my life who wants me to be someone I just am NOT. And I have struggled greatly with how to handle this (just for clarity’s sake, I am not talking about my husband here although we both do sometimes expect things of each other that we shouldn’t).

My first reaction was the desire to just start yelling at them. I mean HOW DARE THEY criticize ME? Don’t I have the right to be the person God made me? Fortunately, I did not choose to follow through with the yelling! But bitterness and frustration did start to grow in my very soul. My next reaction was to write a letter and yes, I did write it–with full intention of giving it. Thankfully, I did not follow through with that, either.

But then I went running. It helps me release my frustration and it helps me to think. And, as I was enjoying the beautiful day, my thoughts turned to this situation. I started thinking about how I should respond to this situation in a godly way. How would God want me to react?

First, I have to turn away from bitterness. When the thoughts come that cause anger and bitterness and the thoughts start spiraling downward (you know what I mean) I have got to stop them. I need to conscientiously choose to think godly thoughts. Sure, it’s hard. It’s hard like getting a root canal is hard. But if you don’t do it, you pay serious consequences later. I don’t want to have rotten teeth OR grow into a bitter old woman. And that is what happens when you get angry and dwell on things that seem unfair (or when you don’t fix your teeth!)

Second, I have to take an honest look at myself and really determine if the comments have truth to them. Would I be a better person if I did “A, B, or C”? If I would be, then I need to swallow my pride and take some steps to improve some things (and, yes, in this case, there are some things I need to work on). And then, I need to just let the other things roll off my back. Just roll away, never to be thought about again. Okay, that might be pushing it. Memories have a tricky way of remembering unkind things people have said about you. But I at least need to make the effort not to dwell on them.

Jesus makes it clear that we are to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-44). Now if I am supposed to love my enemies and bless those who curse me then how can I grow bitter against this person who is truly not my enemy but just someone who thinks they should decide who I am supposed to be?

Sometimes the Bible is like a surgeon’s knife in my soul cutting away diseased tissue. I guess there is a verse about that, isn’t there? (Hebrews 4:12) Oh, how far I have to go yet in this spiritual walk. Always learning and mostly I am learning that there is a lot I haven’t learned!