Family

On traveling to a third world country

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I spent last week in Haiti with my family.  When we arrived at Port Au Prince, it was with great fear and trepidation, as none of us had ever been to a third world country.  As we traveled from the airport to the compound where we were to stay, our eyes beheld unbelievably sad conditions.  From the makeshift tent communities set up everywhere to the little boxes they called “bathrooms” to the men standing on the streets because of a 75% unemployment rate.  It was hard to take it all in.  As our eyes scanned the countryside, we saw half built buildings, the place where they buried 200,000 victims of the earthquake in a mass grave, and cattle, donkeys, and goats anywhere and everywhere, all with their ribs clearly showing.  As we observed, we talked about the hopelessness we saw in the country. Can this country ever be “fixed”?

But during the course of the week, we realized that our job (and the job of the missionaries serving there) is not to fix the country.  It is to share the gospel and minister to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

It reminds me so much of that story where the the father and daughter were walking along the seashore among thousands of stranded sea stars.  The father started throwing them back in the ocean one by one.  The little girl looked at her father and sadly said, “you aren’t even making a difference”.  And the father, with great wisdom, replied: “it makes a difference to that one”.   I thought of that story often this week.  It makes a difference to that one.  We were there to minister to whomever God put in front of us.  In is His sovereignty,  He knew whose heart was ready to hear the gospel.  He knew who needed encouragement to keep going.  Because He knows everything.

And the interesting thing was…while we were there to minister to the Haitians, they in turn ministered to us.  The joy in the lives of the Christians there is a wonderful thing seldom seen here in America.  The warm hugs given without reservation to a stranger would be unusual here.

Sure, they have lots of problems, even in their Christian communities.  And only being there a week gave us little insight into the working of the communities.  But it was with great humility that I observed the grateful eyes and heard the soft spoken “mercis” with which they took a bag filled with rice and beans that would feed their family for at least a month.   And I felt great shame over the things I find myself complaining about.   We are living so far above survival here in the states that we have lost track of what truly matters.

You see, life is really not about us.  Most of us Christians will walk around saying that with our mouths…but do our lives match our words?  I know that I, personally, love my comfort zone.  But what if that comfort zone is not where God wants me?   Are we willing to go where He asks?  Whether it be to a different country,  the inner city here in America, or to bring foster children into your home?  What are YOU doing to further God’s Kingdom?

Luke 12:48b says “For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.”  No matter your economic status here in the United States…even if you are on welfare…you have more than 80% of the rest of the world.  You have been given MUCH.  What are you doing with what you have been given?  It is a question that should truly be considered by all of us.

5 Things We Can Learn from Children

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The other night my daughter was babysitting a one year old. The adorable little girl came into our home, looked around, and made herself at home. She smiled at all of us, started eating the dinner that was being fed to her, and was content. It led to a conversation at our dinner table about how little children can just come into a strange home and feel right at home and how we, as adults, can’t do that. It got me thinking about a few things we can learn from children who are blissfully unaware of all of the social implications of their actions–

1)  No pretensions.  Have you ever talked with a little child? They are who they are. They are not strutting around pretending to be someone they are not. There is no wondering if the child is upset or happy or angry. We always know, don’t we? There hasn’t been years of wall-building and hypocrisy to dig our way through. While I am not suggesting it is healthy to express our emotions at every opportunity, I am suggesting that I think this world and our churches would benefit greatly if we would stop trying to impress one another. So many of us have built these thick walls around our hearts and lives. What would happen if we would tear our walls down and get real?

2) Live in the Moment. Have you ever seen a little guy dance to a tune that was playing? It is a joy to see the little legs bouncing up and down, as they try to move to the beat. But somewhere along the way, we forget to dance. We forget to enjoy the moment. We get wrapped up in taking kids to soccer, in paying the bills, in doing the housework. You know the old saying–Stop and smell the roses? Perhaps we should do that more often in life. Just stop and enjoy the moment. Enjoy watching the birds in your backyard. Enjoy petting your dog for a moment.  Watch your child chase butterflies and hunt bugs. Stop and really watch your husband wrestling with the kids. Grab a hand and dance joyfully to the song playing. These are beautiful moments the Lord gives us. Let’s not take them for granted. Those fleeting moments are what make up  the tapestry of our vaporous lives.

3) Eat until your full. Children do not continue to stuff themselves after they are full.  They only eat when they are hungry.  They obey the mechanism that God so intelligently designed and when their bellies feel hungry, they eat. And when they feel full, they stop eating. Somewhere along the way, many of us have stopped obeying that mechanism. It’s breakfast time? Then I have to eat, even if I am not hungry. I am at a party with a table full of delicious food? I have to try some, even if I just ate a complete meal before I came. I wonder what would happen if, as adults, we continued to obey our hungry and full signals?

4) Don’t Let the Fear of Others’ Opinions Rule You.  Some of my favorite “mommy” moments were when I could get my babies to start giggling. They would give this big belly laugh, filling my heart with pure joy. They didn’t worry what anyone was thinking about them.  They didn’t worry about if they were cool or look around, wondering if someone noticed that they “snorted”. Because it didn’t matter.  They were having fun! So often, we let the fear of others’ reactions dominate our choices. While I understand that we do need to be concerned about others and about our Christian testimony, sometimes we may be concerned about unimportant things. Does it really matter if the neighbor thinks you are crazy for catching fireflies at dusk? Does it really matter if you play a game and people make fun of how you run (personal experience on that one!)? Does it really matter if you fall on the ice? Or if your hair gets wet?  So often we let the fear of people’s opinions and reactions keep us from enjoying our lives.

5) Be okay with the way God made you. Ever see a baby wear make-up? Or get plastic surgery?   So, let’s be honest. If you are like me–aging quickly–you are not feeling so adorable. Many of us won’t even leave the house without make-up. But why not? Why do we feel the need to have something on our faces to face the public? Why do so many feel the need to enlarge or reduce areas of their body through plastic surgery? Why isn’t the way God made us good enough? Instead of being grateful for the incredible body God designed, we complain that our noses are too large, our hair is too curly, our legs are too short, our hips, too narrow or too wide. But children are not conscious of this yet. They just are.  Sometimes I wish we could appreciate the amazing body we have been given without the constant attitude of criticism that almost every woman (and man??) feels when they look in the mirror.

Unfortunately, real life takes its toll and, sooner rather than later, we all learn some pretty hard lessons. People can’t be trusted. The way I look isn’t good enough. You know the dialogue. But perhaps we can learn just a few things from the children in our lives.

Just a thought for today…

On love and respect…and tone of voice

The other day, as I was shopping in the store, I heard a woman’s voice say, “You bring too much junk food into the house.  You have to stop it”.  Or something like that.  But her TONE of voice said “You stupid idiot, what is wrong with you?! ”  I turned to see who she was speaking to and found an older couple.  The woman was speaking in this condescending, holier-than-thou, tone to her husband, who was shuffling behind her with his head down.  What is wrong with this picture?  This is one of many times I have seen a person treat someone who should be…at one time probably was…the love of their life with condescension and unkindness.

Have you ever seen spouses treat each other like this?  Have you ever treated your spouse like this?  I know I have.  I recognized the tone of voice the woman was using, because, sadly, I have used it on occasion.   But if we get in the habit of treating our spouse this way, we are essentially adding bricks to a wall that will grow taller and stronger with each incident.  And, if we are not careful, it will end up casting a dark shadow over the relationship, eventually drowning out the light.  We need to constantly be on guard against treating our spouses in this way.

And this goes for your private moments, too–just because you are a model wife or husband in public does not mean you are treating them with love and respect at home.  Many is the couple who look so happy on the outside, but their true relationship is quite the opposite.   And, oftentimes, the breakdown in these relationships started when we stopped treating one another with respect and kindness.

The other day, I came across a couple I had never met.  The woman had to leave for a moment and the husband proceeded to spout off several unkind remarks about his wife, then rolled his eyes when he told me they had been married 50 years.  I got the impression that he felt like the last 50 years had been a mild form of torture.  The only thing that made him light up was when I asked about his grandkids.  When the woman returned, she gave me the impression that she was unpleasant and bossy.  From the outside, it looks as if this couple has lost all respect and love for one another.  It was heart-breaking.  I wonder if all of those years of treating one another with disrespect and unkindness had changed a couple who had pledged to love one another for eternity to two people that couldn’t stand one another?

If this is something you struggle with (and, if we are honest, many of us do, at least on occasion), why not sit down and have a heart to heart with your spouse and ask them if they feel like they are loved and respected?  And, if not, why not?  Find out if your words have degraded them…discouraged them…disheartened them.  And if they work up the courage to be completely honest with you, do not make excuses.   Do not grow defensive.   Listen carefully.  Apologize.

Treat your spouse with love and respect.  Honor them.  Be grateful for the way God made them.  Remember why you fell in love.  And, in the process, let’s be a shining example of marriage as God created it.  Let’s show the world that it is possible to be in love for a lifetime!

Ephesians 5:22-33

In a Heartbeat

I can’t help but remember that last year at this time my uncle was rushed to the hospital after a tragic accident.  By the end of January, he was with the Lord.  I know of another woman who lost her battle with cancer this year.   And several others who are fighting the battle of their lives against the “C” enemy.   This time each year, I can’t help but look around me and thank the Lord for granting me another year to spend with my family and friends that are still here on earth.  Because life can change.  In a heartbeat.

I think we so often get caught up in the things that irritate us about those we love.   Or maybe we focus on the political or spiritual disagreements we have with others.  But, if  we stop and think for just a moment…we realize that if that person wasn’t with us next year, we would miss them dreadfully.  We need to remember to be thankful for the people in our lives.   Because life can change.  In a heartbeat.

Instead, we so often let things fester.    Ephesians 4:26 says not to let the sun go down upon your wrath.  How many of us obey that command from scripture and never go to bed angry?   How many of us would rather hold on to our pride than heal a relationship?   Or how many of us speak before thinking and say something unkind, not thinking of the hurt we are inflicting?   Why do we make such a big deal out of the little things?  What if that person was no longer here?  Think of how ridiculous you would feel about holding such stupid grudges.

You see, we only live once.  And life is too short to hold grudges and have broken relationships.  The holidays are a time for family.  And lots of times families are the ones who irritate us the most.  But I encourage you to let the annoying things roll right off of your back– don’t hang onto them.  Yes, this can sometimes be hard to do.  But as you practice it more and more it will become easier.  Instead, turn your thoughts towards the good things.  The love that you have.  What you have in common.  The way that person has been a blessing to you.  Because life is short.  And life changes.  In a heartbeat.

Psalm 104:14-16   As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more.

Aging with Grace

Grandmother Talking With Teenage Granddaughter On BenchI am forty-four years old. 44! When I was in college I thought 40-somethings were OLD and, I guess if I were honest, somewhat irrelevant to my life. I was young and excited about the future before me. The last 20 years have flown by in a blur–so filled with activity and new experiences and busyness. And now much of what I was looking forward to is in my past, to some extent. Things like falling in love and getting married, having babies, and buying a home. I feel blessed beyond measure to have experienced each of these things. Some of you have had other dreams–maybe it was traveling the world or being a missionary or owning your own company. Many of us, by this time in our lives, have seen the fruition of some of our dearest and most important dreams. So now what?

Now what do we look forward to? Age spots? Wrinkles? Gray hair? Eyes that can’t see as well? Should my priority be to make myself look as young as possible? I can use all  kinds of powders and gels and creams and I can eat right and exercise–and they may delay the process of growing old–but they will not stop the process of my body aging. We cannot stop the clock.

In this culture, where physical beauty and youth are so highly valued, it is sometimes easy to feel very irrelevant. We feel like we have little of value to offer young people. They seem like they know it all. But, if I think back on those days, I know two things without a shadow of a doubt–

One (and, by far, the most important): I didn’t know it all, I only thought I did.   

And two: The adults who influenced me–the ones I would listen to–were the ones who cared deeply about me.

The Bible says:

Job 12:12 Wisdom is with aged men, and with length of days, understanding.

Proverbs 16:31 Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.

Proverbs 20:29 The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.

There is a natural occurrence of getting wiser as you get older. Yes, there are some exceptions to this. I am sure we can all think of at least one.  But most of us, as we experience joy, devastation, even endless days of routine, will be learning.  Learning to grow in a deeper walk with God, to trust Him, and to walk by faith. Over the course of the last 20 years, I have learned that I do not have all of the answers. And I have learned that I still have much growing to do on this journey.

But I have also learned how to handle some things in a godly way. And I am learning how to react and respond to the things I cannot change. And, as this learning process occurs, whether we are 22 or 52 or 91, we have learned something that could help a person coming behind us in this journey of life.

May we care deeply about those coming after us. May we share the wisdom that God has granted us through our experiences of living life. And may we continue to look to Him and His word as our final authority.  We must remember that it is not our opinions that matter, but what God says. If we live that and speak that and share that, maybe God will use us to help a younger person in need of guidance. Let’s turn our eyes outward and use these years to glorify God and help others along their way!

Expectations

Expectations

Expectations. Expectations that someone has for who they think you should be. But it doesn’t mesh with who you really are. I am not talking about sin issues here but opinion issues. Choices people make differently because God made them differently. And yet, because you might not make a choice the way someone else makes it, you are judged.

I have struggled through this recently with someone in my life who wants me to be someone I just am NOT. And I have struggled greatly with how to handle this (just for clarity’s sake, I am not talking about my husband here although we both do sometimes expect things of each other that we shouldn’t).

My first reaction was the desire to just start yelling at them. I mean HOW DARE THEY criticize ME?  Don’t I have the right to be the person God made me? Fortunately, I did not choose to follow through with the yelling! But bitterness and frustration did start to grow in my very soul. My next reaction was to write a letter and yes, I did write it–with full intention of giving it. Thankfully, I did not follow through with that, either.

But then I went running. It helps me release my frustration and it helps me to think.  And, as I was enjoying the beautiful day, my thoughts turned to this situation. I started thinking about how I should respond to this situation in a godly way. How would God want me to react?

First, I have to turn away from bitterness. When the thoughts come that cause anger and bitterness and the thoughts start spiraling downward (you know what I mean) I have got to stop them. I need to conscientiously choose to think godly thoughts. Sure, it’s hard. It’s hard like getting a root canal is hard.  But if you don’t do it, you pay serious consequences later. I don’t want to have rotten teeth OR grow into a bitter old woman.  And that is what happens when you get angry and dwell on things that seem unfair (or when you don’t fix your teeth!)

Second, I have to take an honest look at myself and really determine if the comments have truth to them.  Would I be a better person if I did “A, B, or C”? If I would be, then I need to swallow my pride and take some steps to improve some things (and, yes, in this case, there are some things I need to work on).  And then, I need to just let the other things roll off my back. Just roll away, never to be thought about again.  Okay, that might be pushing it. Memories have a tricky way of remembering unkind things people have said about you. But I at least need to make the effort not to dwell on them.

Jesus makes it clear that we are to love our enemies (Matthew 5:43-44). Now if I am supposed to love my enemies and bless those who curse me then how can I grow bitter against this person who is truly not my enemy but just someone who thinks they should decide who I am supposed to be?

Sometimes the Bible is like a surgeon’s knife in my soul cutting away diseased tissue. I guess there is a verse about that, isn’t there? (Hebrews 4:12) Oh, how far I have to go yet in this spiritual walk. Always learning and mostly I am learning that there is a lot I haven’t learned!

TMI?

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So I am making myself a bit vulnerable with this entry. You may think I am strange after reading this (and I will admit that you are probably right) but I am going to go ahead and write this entry because–perhaps…just maybe–there may be someone out there who can relate to what I am about to write.

So, here goes. Every now and then, on a rare occasion, I start thinking that I have my act together spiritually. I look at the world around me and I think…hmmm…I could be a lot worse. I find myself thinking something like “God must surely be impressed with how spiritual I am”.  And, gradually, I become just a tad bit prideful.

I would like you to know that I have discovered the sure fire cure for this kind of proud thinking. Here it is:  Stay in a camper for an entire week with 1 husband, 3 teenagers, and 1 pre-teen and all of the stuff that accompanies said group when the weather is 95+ degrees with horrible humidity and intermittent showers (that do nothing to relieve the heat wave but are very effective at making everything wet). I found that this trip brought home rather quickly just how sinful I am.

While most of us became a bit grumpy and short-tempered, I would love to write that I was just the icon of godly motherhood–calming everyone with my peaceful demeanor, serving everyone cold drinks, and giving soft answers that turned away wrath. Unfortunately, this was not the case. I would venture to say that it was FAR from the case. I may have been (mind you, may have been) the worst of all of us. I was so disappointed in myself. If I cannot behave in a godly fashion during a heat wave then I consider myself absolutely pathetic.

I came face to face with my sinful nature and it was not a pretty sight. In fact, it was downright discouraging. How could I have let such paltry things push me into such selfish and unkind responses?  After swallowing my pride, making apologies, and trying to make things right, I have realized that I did  learn something from this experience.

If there is any benefit, whatsoever, of this past week, it is this–  I realized once again how great my sin and how awesome God’s grace. Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  The forgiveness given by my Heavenly Father is amazing and complete.  And that is it in a nutshell.

With that said, tomorrow is a new day to begin. Hopefully, I can be more like Jesus with whatever minutes, days, and years I have ahead of me. In the meantime, I want to remain full of gratitude for the forgiveness I have in Christ when I mess up. And when I happen to grow prideful, I will surely get knocked down off my perch once again. It’s inevitable. As I Corinthians 10:12 says “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall”.

But perhaps that is God’s grace working in us, as well, working to keep us humble. And for that, I am truly thankful.

UPDATE (9/12/15)—Once a week or so, I like to share an old post on the G4L Facebook page. I chose this one for today because it was encouraging in two ways. First, I am still falling on my face regularly and experiencing God’s grace. He continues to keep me from growing too prideful. And for that, I am thankful! And, second, I love that I can see how I’ve grown in the past five years. I still have an awful long way to go, but I am making progress–very slow and steady progress. And that’s good news!

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