Family – Page 24 – Growing 4 Life

Thanks, Mom…

2 Comments / May 10, 2012 May 10, 2012

I have taken my mom for granted since…well, perhaps, forever. As a small child, I knew she would be there to take my temperature, rub my back in church, and play games with me. As I moved into being a teenager, I expected her to listen to me, to shop with me, and to let me borrow her car. When I became a young mother, I plied her with all types of questions on marriage and raising kids, always expecting her to be there for me. And guess what? She was. I am one of those incredibly blessed people who really has a great mom.

These days I ask her questions about how do deal with my teenagers and my middle-aged emotions. And my mom always has a wise answer that gives me encouragement and patience as I work through struggles. I always know I can count on her love and support. In the process of talking with my mom, she has become one of my very best friends.

Now that I am a mother, I better understand her love for me. I have a deeper understanding of the sacrifices she made all through the years for me. If you are a parent, you understand your mom’s love in a much fuller way, as well.

Mother’s Day is on Sunday. Have you contemplated recently on just how much your mom has done for you? Have you thought about how much she has sacrificed for you through the years?

Some of you may be screaming inside right now that YES, I have thought about that a lot! because you have lost your mother to cancer or an accident or to heart disease. You just wish you could have her back again to tell her how much you appreciate her.

And some of you are thinking NO, I don’t understand because you feel like your mother didn’t make many sacrifices for you and you felt bereft and abandoned much of your growing up years.

But so many of us are still blessed to have the support and encouragement of mothers on a daily basis. Moms who love us no matter how much we screw up. Moms who babysit for us. Moms who come in and clean for us or cook for us when we are going through a rough patch. Moms who buy us stuff. Moms who are there for us without fail.

If you are one of the blessed ones, let her know that you feel that way on Mother’s Day this year. Don’t let another year go by without giving her some honest and heartfelt appreciation for all she has done for you.

And, Mom, if you are reading this, thank you so much…for everything.

It’s a Choice.

Leave a Comment / May 3, 2012 May 3, 2016

Last night I kept waking up. Have you ever had one of those nights? First, it was an alarm that was accidentally set for 1:07am (how in the world did that happen?) and then came a storm (Oh, no! All of the computers are plugged in! And what about my young plants sitting on the porch?!) I hate nights like that. You wake up feeling like you haven’t slept at all. And you start thinking, “this is going to be a bad day.” That’s what I used to do, anyway. I would give myself license to be grumpy and short-tempered after I hadn’t slept well. But then came that night long ago…

It was one of those nights as a young mom that you dread. Yay! The baby fell asleep. You nod off…for 2 minutes…only to be awakened by a loud cry. Uugh. You head back to the baby’s room to pat her for 20 minutes. You tiptoe out of the room. The cry starts up again. You go back to pat her. She is finally asleep! This happens 2 or 3 more times through the night. Is the baby teething? Or is something wrong? Should I take her to the doctor tomorrow? The baby finally is asleep for the night and then your 3 year old has a nightmare. And so he climbs into bed with you and you feel like the middle of an oreo for the next couple of hours. As you lay there, tossing and turning, the problems of your life magnify and you grow fearful of how you are going to afford something or why someone said something hurtful to you or you worry that something is seriously wrong with the baby and you play it all out in your head. Have you ever had a night like that? They are dark and very long.

But morning light comes. And that morning long ago, after a night something like that, I awoke, took two seconds to remember that my night at been just awful, and knew then and there that this was going to be a terrible day. I could feel the “grumpiness” welling up inside me.

As I headed into the shower to try to wake up and stood there letting the hot water stream down over my body I suddenly had this thought (which I believe God gave me): “It’s a choice.”

What?! Again that thought: It’s a choice. You do not have to have a bad day just because you didn’t sleep well. But of course I do, I argued inside of my head. How in the world can I function on such a small amount of sleep? I am someone who needs 8 hours of sleep. You know that, God, because you designed me that way. If I don’t get 8 hours I get irritable and ill-tempered. But these words kept coming back: It’s a choice. And I stopped arguing because I knew that it was true.

I stepped out of that shower a different person than I went in. As silly as it sounds, I had never thought through the fact that, no matter what circumstances we want to blame our choices on, we do make a choice about whether we will be irritable or whether we will be considerate. We choose to be kind or we choose to be brusque in how we respond to others.

Now, I definitely still struggle with this. But that incident was a defining moment for me. I no longer blame my attitude on a lack of sleep. Because, clearly, I have a choice. And so, even thought I didn’t sleep well last night, I choose that this day will not be ruined by my bad night’s sleep!

Getting Dropped

2 Comments / April 30, 2012 April 30, 2012

I read through the letter in my hand. Disbelief was first. Then came anger. And, finally, resignation. After all, what could we do? What I was looking at was a letter from the auto insurance company we had been with for over 20 years. I held a letter stating that they were dropping our family due to two cars being totaled within two years. Really? These were the first big accidents that had occurred in our family in all of those years. Apparently that doesn’t matter in the auto insurance world.

And, suddenly, we were on the hunt for a new auto insurance company, which wasn’t going to be easy given that we were just “dropped” by our former company. I called a couple of different agents and they started running the numbers. It wasn’t looking great. Finally, I got a call with a pretty decent number. The estimate was e-mailed and as I went over it my eyes slid to the words “6 month policy”. Oh, great. No wonder the number was decent – it was only for 6 months. So that meant the quoted number was multiplied times two for what looked like a pretty outrageous yearly rate.

Frustration set in. It just didn’t seem fair. In fact, when the agent called me about setting up the policy I started complaining about how unfair life is in the insurance world. She kindly said she understood and the conversation continued on like that for a moment.

And then, all of a sudden, I stopped. It dawned on me that we are all still alive after two serious accidents. It really was amazing that we walked away without injuries or even death. And then I thought of something else to be thankful for: we can afford to pay the new policy. Oh, we don’t like it and it is annoying…but we can afford it. I was ashamed. I was complaining when I should have been thanking the Lord, once again, for sparing my family in not one, but two, accidents. I should have been thanking the Lord that we were not making a choice between driving and eating.

Oftentimes the irritations we face in life are such small trials in the scope of life. They are inconvenient and annoying. We view them as major trials because they take us out of our comfort zones and force us to go a different direction than we wanted to go. Meanwhile, all around us, are people who are going through what I would call real trials – a loved one with cancer, a birth defect that changes everything, or the loss of a job and questions about survival, just to name a few.

James 1:2 tells us to count it all joy when you fall into various trials. We all face various trials – some are very small and some are very large. But through it all, it is very important to keep perspective and a thankful heart. Many of the small trials grow very dim in the light of the many blessings we have.

And so our family is paying an exorbitant amount for auto insurance this year. But we are all alive and it won’t keep us from eating so I am thankful!

Pushing Too Hard

4 Comments / April 26, 2012 April 26, 2012

A few evenings ago I found myself grating soap for a project*. Three bars of Fels-Naptha soap had to be grated into a bucket for this project to be completed. And so I unwrapped the first bar and started grating. I pushed really hard on the grater and could feel its plastic frame bending beneath the pressure. My arm grew tired and I started wondering what I had gotten myself into. When I had only a little bit of that first bar left, it hit me. Pushing the soap onto the grater so strongly may be hindering this process…not helping. And so with the next bar, I decided to let the grater do the work. Instead of pushing, I simply guided the soap. The last two bars went so much more smoothly than that first one and were half the work. And I realized that had I kept pushing so hard, I would have probably broken my grater and came away from the project with a very sore arm.

And I wondered…could this be similar to how it works with someone we love? Specifically, I was thinking of my husband and older children. When I see something in their lives that just isn’t honoring the Lord, do I tend to push (nag, complain, punish, constantly bring it up)?

Of course, there are situations where we have to push. But, more often than not, in my own personal experience, pushing leads to broken relationships and a very tired “pusher”. Could it be that guiding and praying is a better way to deal with some situations?

I can think of several issues over the years where this has been true, but most recently, a specific issue comes to mind. A few years ago I became very concerned about a pattern I was seeing in the life of one of my children. This child was drinking multiple sodas every day and eating a ton of candy. They were old enough to make their own decisions and spent enough time outside our home that I could not control what they were putting into their body. I grew worried about the long-term ramifications of this pattern and so I started pushing. “You shouldn’t be drinking this.” “You shouldn’t be eating that.” I was mostly ignored. “I’ve got to die from something, Mom,” they would say. After awhile, I realized that my words weren’t helping and I backed off and started praying.

That was probably a year ago now. A few months ago, this child started making changes in their eating patterns. Awareness had dawned and changes were following. Only a few weeks ago, this same child came to me one morning and shared their serious intention to start curbing their sugar intake. Their choices since then shows that they meant what they said that day. Wow. Really? Thank you, Lord! You can change my child without my constant pushing and nagging!

Parenting is tough. Marriage is tough. But perhaps sometimes we make it so much harder when we try to push and pull and be the ones to bring about change in the lives of the ones we love instead of leaving it up to God?

And that is what I learned from grating a few bars of soap.

*In case you are curious, the project was making my own powdered detergent for my HE washer. I found the recipe on Pinterest and thought I would give it a try. I have used it for several loads already and so far, so good!

Our View of God, Our View of Man, and Why It Matters

Leave a Comment / April 19, 2012 October 2, 2016

Following is an abbreviated version of the talk I prepared for a Mom’s group this morning. I thank them for having me and, as this is the second request to speak on this particular topic in a matter of months, I thought some of you might be interested in it, as well.

Holiness. What is it? And why does it matter? Why has this word almost disappeared from mainstream Christianity?

I think it is in great part because we do not have a biblical definition of Who God is. We like to read about a “god” who meets our every need, who helps us find our purpose, and who grants our wishes. We aren’t so thrilled about a God who requires us to live holy and pure lives. We fill our minds with books that tell us who we want God to be, instead of the biblical description of God. God is holy, all-knowing, supreme, and loving. He hates sin and cannot tolerate it in any form. We need to get to know the God of the Bible in order to properly understand holiness. God doesn’t exist to give me purpose and He doesn’t exist to fulfill my every need. His wrath is mentioned in scripture more times than His love. We can’t fully understand holiness if we are trying to define God in a way that pleases our emotions.

I also believe that an unbiblical understanding of who we are as human beings is to blame. I heard a song on Christian radio a few months ago that says “Jesus help me understand that I was worth dying for.” I turned it off immediately. That isn’t biblical at all. The Bible tells us we WEREN’T worth dying for. That is the amazing beauty of salvation. It is God’s free gift to us, even though we were without any merit whatsoever. Over and over, outside the church and inside the church, we hear the common theme of how beautiful we are to Jesus. But this is not a biblical theme. Only through Jesus do we become pure and white and beautiful. Only through Him do we have any merit.

If we have a LOW view of God and a HIGH view of ourselves, it leads us to have a very LOW view of sin. We start believing that sin isn’t important. That God understands and will forgive. We don’t care about pleasing Him…we are more concerned with receiving blessings from the big “genie” in the sky. We become wrapped up in our own selfish desires, rights, and concerns and expect God to meet us there…instead of bending ourselves to His will and purposes. Holiness isn’t about a list of do’s and don’ts (what many like to call “legalism”), but it is instead a desire to show our love and gratitude to the God who has made a way for me, a sinner, to be reconciled with Him through the amazing sacrifice of His Son.

And this idea should affect all areas of our lives. I like to use the word “peas” to help me remember some of these areas (I really wanted to think of a meaningful word–but, alas, “peas” is the only thing my mind could come up with!)

1. Presentation–how do we present ourselves? What kind of language do we use? Are we modest in our dress? Do we complain all of the time? What do our priorities show about what we view as important? Can people tell we love the Lord by how we present ourselves?

2. Entertainment–what do we watch? What do we listen to? What do we read? If we couldn’t invite Jesus to join us…if our choices are full of the things God hates…then we can be sure we shouldn’t be watching, listening to, or reading it. I fail to understand the rationalization that goes on in this area on a consistent basis by believers. If God hates it, we shouldn’t want any part of it — in real life OR on a page, a screen, or our car radio.

3. Attitude–Who are we at home? Are we kind, loving, and patient, or do we only put that face on when we are at church or work? How would our families describe us? Do we think of others and their needs? Do we have an attitude of graciousness and kindness or do others view us as selfish, unpleasant, or angry?

4. Stewardship–How do we spend our money? Do we live in constant debt? How do we treat the bodies we have been blessed with? Do we overeat or eat to comfort ourselves? How about the hours of each day? Do we waste hours on activities that have no eternal value whatsoever?

Each of us probably struggles in one area more than another, but we all struggle. I, personally, REALLY struggle with some of the things I have just mentioned. But all four of the things listed above aren’t options but should be an outpouring of the love we feel for our God.

You see, holiness is about pleasing the Lord with every area of our life. Eric Ludy puts it this way: ” Anything that turns the mind to self instead of the heavenly is opposite of Jesus; if it will not serve the purposes of Jesus Christ it has no allowance to be there.”

You know in your heart today where you struggle. You know what part of your life you are struggling to live in purity and holiness. We are all different. But we are all the same in this: We battle against our flesh and selfish desires.

But let us remember this:

“God is only truly known in the soul as we yield ourselves to Him, submit to His authority, and regulate all the details of our lives by His holy precepts and commandments.” A.W. Pink

May we never give up our quest to please our heavenly Father with our life and our choices. May we keep Him and knowing Him as our priority. May we turn away from our rebellious hearts. And may we be wise and discerning in what we allow in our minds and our lives. And may we never forget that the Lord will be with us all of the way, to strengthen and guide us. He is faithful forever. What a great God we serve!

Resources:

The Attributes of God by A.W. Pink (book) I wish every Christian would read this book. It has been invaluable in helping me understand who God is.

The Power of a Holy Life by John MacArthur (article) Excellent article on how Holy Living affects the world around us.

No More Games: Living and Breathing the Holiness of God by James MacDonald (sermon series) I haven’t heard this whole series but what I have heard is excellent!

Using Words Wisely

Leave a Comment / April 12, 2012 April 12, 2012

Before I start today, I just want you to know that I have my husband’s permission to tell this story. He learned a good lesson through this incident several years ago. I feel so blessed to be married to someone who admits his mistakes and chooses to grow from them. Now on to the story–

“What does he want now? He always has a problem, doesn’t he? He is such a pain!” These words, or at least words like these, spilled out of my husband’s mouth as he spewed much of the frustration he had felt towards a troublesome customer for some years. His employee was at the complaining customer’s property and had called with a question. Unfortunately for my husband, the employee on the other end of the call was using his Nextel and had put it on speaker phone. He had called with the customer right beside him and said customer had just heard my husband’s entire deluge of words directed at him.

What to do? Our employee handled it as best he could. He left my husband know immediately and in a nonchalant way that the man was right beside him and listening. The conversation became stilted and was finished quickly. My husband’s heart sank. What kind of mess had he gotten himself into now? He tries to treat all customers courteously and kindly, but every now and again, one stretches him to his limits.

After the mortifying realization of what had occurred, he made the decision to go and apologize to this man. And, quite honestly, he was very well received. After the apology and some open discussion, our relationship with this customer improved considerably and he is still our customer to this day.

As we laugh about it now, we also realize that there are some important lessons to be learned from the unfortunate incident.

1. There will be people who frustrate us in life. It is important that we apply scriptural principles in our dealings with them. In Luke 6:31, Jesus says: And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. If we apply this principle with the irritating people in our lives, it should change our responses.

2. It is important to choose our words carefully, even when we are frustrated or irritated. Too often we spout off words we don’t even mean in the heat of the moment. Whether they are about someone or directly to that person, we need to use self-control when we express our frustration.

3. Don’t be too proud to apologize. The last thing my husband wanted to do was to go to this customer and apologize. First, he doesn’t know him that well personally and second, it was just downright embarrassing. So many times we are afraid to face the person we have offended or hurt, so we just pretend it will go away. But it doesn’t! That pain and hurt, even if forgiven, often lingers on in the heart of the person we hurt. It is important that we offer our sincere apology immediately. In the case of this customer, it was the best thing my husband could have done. And, from my own experience (with my many mistakes in life!), it does get easier the more you do it. If you are out of practice of apologizing, the first time will be agonizing. You will stumble over your words and hesitate and feel foolish. But try it! I think you will find it so beneficial to your relationships, and at the very least, you will know that you have done the right thing.

4. It is important to choose our words carefully always, but especially when we are in a public setting–on the phone, in the bleachers or on the sidelines, in a church hallway, or at a family gathering. Ephesians 4:29 says: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Does my speech impart grace to the hearers? What a great test for our language.

Life is full of unpleasant, uncomfortable, and awkward circumstances. It is important that we don’t miss the life lessons hidden in those moments. The story above was just one such moment and even now, years later, we still think on the lessons we learned from that unpleasant incident.

Glorious Freedom

2 Comments / April 5, 2012 March 23, 2016

Johnny was born into slavery. He was hauling water and helping his mama in the kitchen since he could remember. As he grew older, he became his master’s special servant. He would help his master get dressed in the morning, run errands for him, and serve his meals. He was expected to be available at all times, just in case his master needed anything. Johnny obeyed his master, Mr. Clark, because that was his duty.

But, over the years, a strange thing happened. Mr. Clark began to feel a fatherly love in his heart for young Johnny. He saw Johnny’s lack of education and hired a tutor. He saw his need for clothing and hired a tailor. He even started having Johnny join him in the main dining room for meals. You see, Mr. Clark did not have any children and was a very lonely man. After several years, Mr. Clark decided to adopt Johnny as his very own son. Mr. Clark even changed his will so that Johnny became the sole heir of his vast estate.

After Mr. Clark adopted Johnny, you may think that their relationship changed. Suddenly, Johnny could do what he wanted. He was free. But Johnny continued to serve Mr. Clark in the same capacity. Only now it wasn’t because it was his duty but, instead, because of his love for his master–who was now also his father.

I would submit to you that our freedom in Christ is quite similar. I believe that Christian freedom has been misinterpreted for so long now, that we don’t even question whether or not today’s definition of “Christian Freedom” is biblical. Christian freedom isn’t about what we are allowed to do–it is about what we can do. What can we do to please the Father who adopted us as sons and daughters? What choice will bring glory to God?

This applies to everything–from the tone of voice we choose to use when we are frustrated to whom we decide to marry. From what show or movie we watch on our television after a long, hard day to which career path we follow. Our desire to please the One who saved us should encompass every decision we make.

If we view Christian freedom as an excuse to fulfill our own desires and lusts (Galatians 5:13), we mock the cross. Christ loved us so much that He died to free us from the heavy chains of sin. And yet so many of us crawl right back to the sinful place we started and wallow there, claiming Christ’s continual forgiveness–or even worse yet, claiming that our salvation has eradicated the need for “rules”. And you would be right: Rules no longer dictate our behavior after we are saved.

But is this even the question we should be asking? Just like Johnny obeyed out of love, so we, too, upon our adoption by our Heavenly Father, change from obeying God’s law out of duty to obeying it out of love. The law doesn’t change–our hearts change. What is expected of us doesn’t change, it is why we do what is expected of us that changes. No longer do we feel like obedience is a chore, but, instead, we now consider it a privilege. And so, from the smallest choice to every life-changing decision, our question becomes: How can I best please my God?

As we celebrate Easter this weekend, may we remember that Christ died and rose again to free us from our chains. May we consider this amazing grace and our eternal inheritance with all sobriety and sacredness. And may we endeavor to please Him because we love Him more than we love ourselves.

Righteous Anger

8 Comments / March 29, 2012 March 29, 2012

I found myself really angry the other day. My daughter, Susan (names have been changed to protect the innocent), had said something very hurtful to me. We were sitting as a family at the dinner table eating and talking, when out popped this comment from Susan’s mouth. I felt myself grow hot with anger. My pride was hurt and I grew cold and quiet. I escaped to my office and spent the rest of the night working, as far from Susan as I could get. The following morning I did not treat Susan very kindly. She finally asked me about why I wasn’t being very nice. And, I am ashamed to say, that all of that coldness and those hurt feelings came welling up in me and I started explaining to her in a very loud and not-so-nice voice why her comment had been hurtful, unkind, and downright wrong. And then I walked out and I may have even slammed the door.

I was immediately totally and completely ashamed of myself. My whole reaction from the time the comment was made to the moment I spoke unkindly was sinful. What had I just done? And why was I so angry? I was angry because of a derogatory comment directed towards me. My sinful self shines so brightly in situations like this. And I am mortified at how quickly it shows itself. And so, within five minutes, I was apologizing, and a few minutes later we had a good long talk as to why that comment was made in the first place (which was actually frustration about a totally different situation).

So what does it matter? Why do I feel this is worth a blog post? In a conversation with a woman the other day she was telling me about her husband’s anger and how he will use the excuse that Jesus got angry. Many of us do that. Well, Jesus got angry, so I am allowed to get angry. We don’t view anger as the sin it is.

But, let’s stop and think for just a moment about that incident in the temple (Mark 11). Jesus went into the temple and drove out the moneychangers. Why was He angry that they were there? He was angry because they were offending God the Father. They were turning worship into a business.

And then let’s turn back to the last time we got angry. Was it because someone used God’s name in vain? Or because they are murdering babies in the womb every day? Or perhaps because they have glorified sin and have offended my Savior? In my case, it was because someone offended my pride. Other times it is because I don’t get my own way. Or perhaps someone did something hurtful to my child and I get angry about that.

Truly righteous anger is when we are offended because someone is offending our God. Any other anger is sinful. That is hard to swallow if we are someone who grows angry rather quickly. Some of us are so prone to outbursts of anger that we don’t even give it a thought anymore. It is just part of who we are and we don’t even feel conviction about it. We tell our spouses and children that it is just who we are and we can’t change it (which is just a lie and an excuse, of course).

And some of us rarely get angry. Our personalities are just pretty laid back and we don’t get riled about much of anything. If you are like this, you are probably wondering why I would even write on this topic.

And some of you are like me – very convicted about how angry and offended we get and realizing that this is not an attitude that pleases God. And so we continue the cycle of growing angry and then apologizing. And while I don’t expect perfection on this side of heaven, I have seen many people grow and mature in this area of anger. Even in my own life I have noticed that these angry moments have grown fewer and farther between. We can have victory in Christ! We don’t have to let our anger rule over us…but instead must choose to rule over it.

As I look out my window this morning, I see a beautiful sun-drenched sky. I see the beginning of a new day. Let’s take our focus off of ourselves for this one day. Let’s turn away from our offended and angry thoughts and stop and think for just a second about why we are so angry instead of letting our emotions take over. Let’s say YES to the Spirit and NO to the flesh. (Galatians 5: 16-25).

What a Song Can Do

2 Comments / March 19, 2012 March 19, 2012

I was sitting in the Doctor’s office when the song came on. I find it amazing how a song can transport you back in time in an instant. Suddenly, in my mind, I was back in college. They were wonderful, care-free days that were filled with major trials–at least that is what I thought at the time. Now, looking back, I realize that “major trials” hadn’t even begun.

As I listened to that song, tears welled up in my eyes. They were there because I was so thankful for where God has brought me in 25 years. And they were there because it had all happened so fast.

Reflecting back, I contemplated those wonderful days. I had attended a Christian college that hired professors that cared about their students. I had made life-long friends there. I had found my husband there. I had discovered the wonder of the Bible there. I had learned how to share my room and my stuff with a roommate…which was a good thing to learn with marriage on the horizon!

Sure, it wasn’t perfect– in so many ways. There were difficult days. But now, all of these years later, I could see how God had used all of those moments to change me…and, in a lot of ways, to grow me up.

And it makes me think about now. I know in my heart that 25 years from now, I will probably hear a song and I will reflect back to these days. Days of busyness and teenagers and twenty-somethings. Days of discussions and digging into scripture for answers. Days filled with unanswered questions.

And I realize that each stage of life comes with blessings and trials. Thankfully, if we are believers, our trials are cushioned by God’s faithfulness. In fact, when life looks impossible and the way seems darkest, is when we often see God work in amazing ways. Sometimes through changing our circumstances, but most often by changing our hearts. God is so good.

As the song came to a close, my heart was sad that I would never be able to re-live those carefree days. But my head knew that what is ahead of me is so much greater. And, most importantly, I realized that I needed to be thankful for right now.

Marilla’s Crust

Leave a Comment / March 8, 2012 March 8, 2012

This summer we are planning a trip to Prince Edward Island. The movie, “Anne of Green Gables” and its sequels have long been a favorite in this home (well, at least among its female members). But I had never read the books. So I decided if we are going the whole way to P.E.I. I should at least read the first one. It was delightful reading, full of realistic, stirring characters and lovely descriptions of the landscape–a perfect escape for dreary winter hours. But I digress!

Last night, upon finishing the first of the series, Anne of Green Gables, I couldn’t help but think of the character of Marilla. Marilla was a spinster who, along with her brother Matthew, brought an eleven year old orphan girl into her home to raise. She had never been taught to share her feelings and found it difficult to praise Anne, even when Anne had accomplished something remarkable. Marilla, in effect, had a crust around her heart. And, yet, the author made it clear just how very much Marilla loved Anne and showed the conflict that Marilla felt within herself in those moments where something positive should have been said.

It gave me great insight into the characters we run into every day. Just a few weeks ago, I was quite pleased with something I had accomplished and someone, off-handedly, made me feel like they thought it was silly and unimportant. Marilla’s character helped me understand this in a new way.

You see, I am not sure we always say what we feel. Some of us just spout off words without thinking how they sound. And some of us, never having seen an example of giving encouragement and praise, find it extremely difficult to say nice things. Some of us, when we are overcome with emotion, say things that may even sound brusque or harsh. But we love deeply, just the same.

And I guess Marilla’s crusty exterior teaches us two things–

1) Our relationships with others must overflow with grace. We should never give up on anyone. Oftentimes, we do not know the circumstances or relationships that formed who they are today. People always do things for a reason. Life is too short to be holding grudges, anyway. Let’s strive to love others like Jesus loves them, no matter what they have said to us. Grace — what a wonderful word.

2) It makes me examine my personal use of language. Before speaking, let’s ask ourselves: Is this a necessary thing to say? Will it add or take away a block to the wall between us? Are these words going to edify this person or tear them down? (Ephesians 4:29) Scripture makes it quite clear that even when we need to confront someone about sin, it is to be done in Christian love. There is never room for harsh, unkind words. And yet some of us use them almost every day. May we strive to encourage others with our words, and, when necessary, may we wrap confrontation with loving kindness.

I am so glad I picked up Anne of Green Gables, by Lucy Maud Montgomery. It is a beautiful story full of life lessons. I highly recommend it!