Friendship – Growing 4 Life

Staying in Our Story

Leave a Comment / April 21, 2026 April 21, 2026

The other day I heard the phrase “stay in your story” and I’ve been reflecting on it ever since.

The phrase was said in reference to a persecuted Christian who spent years in prison and, as a very old man, was able to see his son actually serve as chaplain in that very same prison. Only God, right?

But only by “staying in his story” was he able to see the miraculous way God would work.

Obviously, there are times we must escape our stories. There are lots of reasons we must choose to leave a particular aspect of our story—heretical teaching, abuse, the future for our families, etc.

But, let’s put those very valid reasons aside for a moment and think on the ways we leave/change our stories every single day by walking away from people or situations. How often do we just escape our problems rather than facing them and learning from them?

This phrase has had me thinking about how much easier it is to walk away from a person or a situation than to stay in the thick of it and figure it out.

My husband and I will sometimes watch House Hunters International and, occasionally, there will be a couple who walks away from family and friends to go live on an island somewhere.

Sometimes that looks like a good option, right? Just leave. People are messy. Relationships are hard. Situations are sticky.

I am not implying that it is wrong for a couple to do this. I am sure some have really good reasons. But can I be honest? There are times when escaping to an island looks quite appealing to me and it isn’t for good reasons at all. I’m sure you have felt the same way at times.

Many times we find ourselves in situations we simply can’t escape and we can find ourselves “chomping at the bit” for a nonexistent escape route.

We live in a culture that tells us to run. If someone is “toxic” run. If you don’t have personal peace, run. If you aren’t happy, just…run.

If your spouse isn’t making you happy, run to someone else. If your church doesn’t do something the way that you like, just leave. If someone is annoying, just ignore them. If your friend hurt you, just avoid them.

Run away, leave, ignore, avoid…

But, yet, in doing these things, we don’t leave any room for God to work.

When we choose to stay in our story and have faith that God will work all things for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28) we leave room for God to work in amazing ways.

But, oh, that’s so much harder to live out than it is to type. And, in reflecting back on my life, I will readily admit that I have probably left people and situations that I shouldn’t have. And when I am in a situation I can’t escape, I can become grumpy and anxious. Oh, I have so far to go when I examine my heart regarding this particular subject!

Do you, like me, find yourself laying the same unsolvable puzzle or frustrating situation at the foot of the cross over and over again?

Sometimes—maybe even oftentimes—the way God changes a situation is by changing us. The verse that comes after the very popular Romans 8:28 is Romans 8:29, where we read that God’s purpose is to conform us into the image of His Son.

Frustrating people don’t generally become “un-frustrating” (only by God’s work in their lives is that even possible); Frustrating situations don’t generally disappear overnight.

But…

God will use these people and situations to work in our hearts. Puzzling, unfixable situations and frustrating, difficult people can teach us so much. We learn how to love unconditionally. We learn how to forgive. We learn how to offer undeserved grace to others. These situations release our grip from this world. They teach us to stop trusting in our own strength and help us understand how much we need God. Walking through these valleys will often cause us to evaluate what is important to us and…perhaps…show us what has become an idol in our life without us even realizing it.

When we stop making our comfort and happiness our idol and, instead, surrender our will to God’s and then turn to Him in prayer, seeking His will in His Word as we travel our dark valleys…well, this is when God will work in our own hearts and minds to conform us into His Son’s image.

I don’t know what you are facing today. I only know what I am facing today. May we both consider the value of “staying in our story” before we choose to run away.

The Truth Will Mess with Your Peace (and that’s a good thing!)

2 Comments / July 29, 2025 July 29, 2025

Once upon a time, a man (we will call him John) went to the doctor due to a severe headache that wouldn’t go away. As the doctor examined him, he told him it could be due to a number of different reasons—some even fatal.

“What would you like to be the cause of your headache?” Asked the doctor.

Not expecting that response, John said wryly, “well, it doesn’t really matter what I want it to be, now, does it?”

“Well,” responded the doctor, “we are trying a new method—one where we let the patient decide what is wrong. This way we don’t mess with their peace or make them upset. We just assume that what they say is true and treat from their diagnosis.”

Silly story. And, yes, it’s just a story. (I wrote a longer post about this called Lindy’s Headaches, you can read that here.) But have you noticed that, while this would never happen in the medical world, it happens all the time in the spiritual world? As if we can all just decide what is sin and what isn’t. As if we can all just decide for ourselves what is truth and how we get to heaven.

And if we don’t like what someone says or they don’t agree with us, we can just unfriend them, delete them from our lives, and move on.

A friend told me he saw a meme on Facebook awhile back. It said this:

“If it messes with your peace, it’s not worth it.”

Have you noticed that this is the philosophy of so many today?

But here’s the thing: The truth will mess with your peace. It just does.

I can look back over my life and recall many times where someone told me the truth about something and it made me very uncomfortable and, sometimes, even angry. But, looking back now, I am so very grateful for those people who were willing to speak the truth to me.

After all, how do we grow if we only surround ourselves with people who are just like us and will never say anything that offends us? How will we grow if we are determined to do things our way, without wise counsel of godly, older people? How will we grow if we refuse to listen to anyone we don’t agree with? How will we grow if we ignore everything in God’s Word that we don’t like??

Well, we won’t. Approaching life this way will lead to looking inward towards self for strength and wisdom. Rather than looking towards God, His Word, and godly men and women that have walked the narrow path ahead of us, so many are looking to self (and to those who agree with self).

And, listen, that is the world’s way. Frank Sinatra released the song “I Did it My Way,” in 1969. The world has been on a the runaway train of self-esteem, self-improvement, self-promotion, self-strength, self-wisdom, and self-glory ever since.

It’s taken the Christian world awhile to follow after the world, but here we are. Most everyone today believes this:

If it doesn’t encourage me or make me feel good, it’s not worth it.

This is probably the main reason families and the visible church are in such a shambles. If someone makes me uncomfortable, it’s not worth it. If the relationship takes work, it’s not worth it. Truth and biblical doctrine can make us uncomfortable. Serving others sacrificially does not always make us feel good.

How much easier is it to run away from the hard? How much more fun and entertaining is it to go to a concert-like worship experience and then listen to a few shallow minutes of encouragement?

Of course, we can’t change this. We can’t change where the secular or the Christian culture finds itself these days.

But we can evaluate our own lives and we can, by God’s grace, intentionally determine not to be SELF-obsessed.

I am currently reading a biography of a missionary. As she has been describing her life, I have grown more and more disturbed. Would I have been willing to do what she did? I don’t think so. If I am honest, I have to say I don’t think so.

And it makes me realize that I, too, have fallen for the cult of self. I, too, put self on a higher pedestal than God all too often.

I think we all struggle with this at some level. As my daughter-in-law said recently: Do we ever do anything with a pure motive?

It is disconcerting to think about, isn’t it? But God knows this and I am so thankful for His grace and His mercy. Jesus came to die for us to pay the price for every sin, every insincere act of service, every time we didn’t do what was right and didn’t even realize it.

Praise the name of Jesus!

But it is my prayer that this short post, in the midst of a tsunami of internet information that will tell you the opposite, will encourage us to love God more than self. That it will bring awareness that this love for self is something we must fight and never embrace. That love for self is the antithesis of true, biblical Christianity. That this love for self is really part of our sin nature and it is called our “flesh” in scripture.

Look, we aren’t going to always agree with others. Even if we both love the Lord with all of our hearts, we will not agree on everything. I don’t expect you to always agree with me and I won’t always agree with you. But what a joy it is to have relationships where we can have open, honest conversations without malice and rancor and bitterness. What joy it is to talk about God’s Word and to grow together with those who also hold the Bible as their anchor and final authority.

Recently, I had the privilege of watching two of my best friends play this out right in front of my eyes. I watched one speak the truth in love and I watched the other one hear the truth with love. It was a beautiful thing. It is how it is supposed to be for us believers. Iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17) and it is a wonderful encouragement when we can have this kind of relationship with someone.

Hearing the truth is a good thing! Being called away from self and towards God through our reading of God’s Word and the counsel of godly family and friends is a great thing!

May we, as believers, be willing to turn from self, experience discomfort, have our “peace messed with”, and hear the truth with love—so that we will grow in our faith and become more Christ-like as the years pass by.

Judgements, the Bible, and Incomplete Information

1 Comment / June 10, 2025 June 10, 2025

We all make judgments. We make judgments about what is beautiful and what isn’t. And about what is “normal” and what “isn’t normal”. We make judgments about whether someone is doing something right or something wrong; And about whether someone is doing something wise or something foolish. We all do it. And we all do this quite naturally, whether we speak our judgments aloud or not.

But there are two things that we believers really should consider before we pass judgment. Before I go on I’d like to mention that this is something God has been teaching me, oh so gradually, over the course of my lifetime and I am definitely not the same person I used to be. But I am still growing in this area. It’s so easy to write about something the Bible teaches, but learning to live it out takes a lifetime.

The FIRST thing for our consideration is this: Is my judgment based on God’s Holy Word or is it based on my opinion?

If it’s based on my opinion then does it really matter? What makes one opinion better than another?

Here’s a silly example (albeit a practical one). Let’s consider a woman’s shirt. Let’s say I notice a co-worker’s new shirt and I just don’t like it. It’s bright and loud in a color I do not care for and I find it very unappealing. Why is my opinion about that shirt better than the wearer’s opinion? And does it really matter?

Now, let’s take that same shirt and let’s say that it is cut very low and is very immodest. The Bible tells us to dress modestly (I Timothy 2:9-10). So now I am making a judgment between right and wrong which, in fact, we are supposed to do (Matthew 7, I Thess. 5:21-22, and others).

Judgments that are based on our opinions don’t always need to be said. But sometimes they do need to be shared. For example, in committee meetings or family gatherings, when a plan is being developed or a vacation planned. At that point, we speak up with the understanding that there is really no “right” or “wrong” in the situation but that our opinion is simply based on preference.

But what we do with our biblical judgments? Are we to speak each one? This is probably worth a post all its own but, for the sake of time and space here today, let’s just nutshell it in this way: True love discerns, through prayer, when speaking truth is appropriate and is willing to confront when necessary. A lot of harm has been done by parents, pastors, teachers, and others who were simply unwilling to speak biblical truth into the lives of others because they were worried about offending.

This leads to the SECOND thing which we must consider: Are we are aware that we may have incomplete information as to why someone made a choice?

This is not regarding the actual making of judgments but, rather, about our attitudes that accompany our judgments.

When we make biblical judgments, we make them based on our own life experiences. This leads many of us to give no grace, no mercy, no lee-way for other life experiences.

So, for example, someone growing up in a Christian home will naturally know the Bible better than a baby Christian who just got saved as an adult and is learning. Do we have grace for the baby Christian who is just learning?

Or another example is that perhaps someone made a decision for a very good reason but you, looking from the outside, are not privy to the reason for that decision and are judging them for doing something unwise based on your incomplete information. We don’t always know the facts and perhaps they didn’t do anything unwise at all.

Do we give people the benefit of the doubt? Or do we fall prey to having a “holier than thou” attitude?

We only have our life experience from which to form judgements. But it’s so important to recognize that our life experiences are not the gold standard. Only the Bible can and should inform all of our judgments.

And this should lead us to grace and mercy as we remember our life is not their life. And they may have challenges about which we have no idea at all. This doesn’t mean we don’t talk with them when we see sin or worldliness. It just means we have a humble, loving attitude that acknowledges we may not know everything.

So… what if a judgment is based on scripture and you find yourself concerned about someone you love? What to do?

Our natural response is to gossip or to make sarcastic, passive-aggressive remarks letting others know how we feel. The godly response is to keep quiet and go to that person personally and find out the whole story; find out why they made the choice they did and lovingly and kindly point to the scripture that shows that it is wrong.

Can you see why correct interpretation and honest hermeneutics of God’s Word are so critical to life? There are so many manmade “rules” and “laws”—rules and laws that man has created that are simply not in scripture. And there are also so many principles and commands that go completely ignored and neglected by professing Christians who love the world.

And can you see why it’s so important to be able to recognize an opinion-based judgment from a scripture-based judgement?

I have been judged for many things throughout my life. One that sticks out in my memory is being judged for drinking orange juice with my pop-tart instead of milk. Someone made me feel like a fool because of this decision.

As I reflect on that experience, which is over twenty years ago now, I find it such an unnecessary judgement. It’s a silly example but there are so many just like it that happen every day.

Judgments like this build walls instead of building unity. They create division instead of creating a loving, safe place to grow together.

Oh, that we may recognize the difference between our subjective, opinion-based judgments and objective, scripture-based judgments. May we handle any judgment in a loving, biblical manner that will support and encourage God’s family, rather than tear it down.

Change Isn’t Always Welcome

2 Comments / July 19, 2022 July 19, 2022

Our little puppy needed a haircut. I was unable to get her into a groomer for far longer than it should have been. She was an unkempt and matted little fluff ball when I dropped her off and a too skinny and yes, plain ugly dog when I picked her up. My heart sank as the groomer apologized profusely explaining how badly matted she was and that she wouldn’t normally cut a dog that short. Yes, I understand. I had such a difficult time finding a groomer to take her and then when I found one, of course, I had to wait for an appointment so here we were. No one’s fault.

As we pulled into the campground last Friday, our oldest grandson looked at her when she hopped out of the truck and wondered whose dog she was (yes, she looks THAT different). We all had a good laugh over that. A day later, he was in the camper petting her and exclaiming that her fur is already starting to grow and she’s looking cuter already. Also had a good laugh over that.

But despite his hopeful words, we all know that she’s just not very cute without her fur. I wish it wasn’t true but it is. Currently, she’s a dog only a mother (and perhaps those with soft spots in their hearts for ugly dogs) could love.

Now…she’s the same dog. She hasn’t really changed who she is. She just looks different. Not as appealing.

One could say that a similar thing happens when we turn to Christ or even when we grow in Christ. We recognize sin for what it is. We start turning away from sin. We begin our journey in living life to please God instead of pleasing self.

And this looks ugly to our friends. They don’t like this change. Stripped of our partying, our sinful entertainment, our drinking, and our obscene language, well, we just don’t look all that appealing to our old friends.

But this isn’t just true with unbelieving friends. This often happens with Christians friends, too. When we really start studying the Word and recognizing the acceptable sins and the worldliness within the church and try to begin turning away from them, it usually means turning away from our friends, as well.

If we are going to get serious about our faith and follow the Lord whole-heartedly we will lose friends. People are going to treat us like my ugly dog. They will keep their distance and murmur cool hellos but they won’t want to get within more than a few feet of us because we look unappealing to them. Not only do we no longer live up to their definition of “fun to be around” but, if they are saved, we may make them feel uncomfortably convicted.

And so, as serious believers, we need to be prepared to give up everything for Christ. And for many of us, that will probably mean a few (or many) friends.

But God is faithful. He will most likely provide new like-minded friends who love Him as much (or more) than we do. And if He doesn’t do that, He will be our friend. For He alone is all we need. He will give us the strength to walk alone if that is what He asks of us.

When we read this verse in Luke–

Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. (Luke 9:23)

we often think of denying ourselves material wealth or some other tangible thing. But I’d submit to you that this means we deny ourselves in every way–including our much longed-for relationships with friends and even family. Our desire to follow Christ should be greater than our desire for anything else.

The true Gospel is so simple but it could potentially cost us everything.

When we begin to change, many won’t like it. They will start distancing themselves. They may even get angry at us. They will ridicule, call us names, gossip and lie about us. I’ve been on the receiving end of all of these things at some time or another. It is not fun. But I can tell you without a doubt that it is worth it.

Growing more like Christ is always worth it in every way. In this life and the next. Oh, we may not think so during a painful time that would be made so much less painful if we’d just follow the crowd and be like everyone else. But God will help us survive that temporal, painful time (and it is temporal no matter how long it lasts).

And don’t forget– eternity is just around the corner and it will be awesome.

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. ²Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. ³For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. ⁴When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. (Colossians 3:1-4)

We All Need a Little Help Sometimes

1 Comment / March 15, 2022 March 15, 2022

This past Saturday night we were rudely awakened by Macy’s deep bark. She is our Labrador Retriever and even as a rather old dog, her hearing remains fairly sharp. I squinted at the clock and tried to discern if the doorbell I heard ringing was real or part of a dream. It was 2:46am (3:46am on our phones because they had already switched for Daylight Savings). What had caused Macy to bark?

Eric ran downstairs to make sure no one was at the door. When he was assured that the doorbell had indeed been in my dreams he came back upstairs. But instead of getting back in bed, he stood at the bedroom window.

“What are you looking at?” I asked.

“There are car lights. They aren’t moving. I wonder if someone is stuck?”

The temperature was frigid and the wind was brutal. It was causing the snow that had fallen earlier that day to drift in great waves of white across the road, making it impassable.

We both stood at the window watching the headlights of the motionless car. Finally, after a few minutes, my husband turned to me, “Shall I go rescue them?”

Now, I have to say that I hesitated. I am sad to admit that. But what is someone doing out at 3am in the morning, anyway? They are probably drunk, at the very least. The thought of my husband going out on that freezing, blustery night to rescue a complete stranger did not thrill my soul.

But my husband is a born rescuer. If someone needs help, he’s there. He always has been like that, even as a young man. It’s is one of the things I love most about him.

And, so, he was soon dressed in warm coat and boots and headed outside to get his biggest skid-loader to see what he could do.

Forty-five minutes or so later, he was back inside. He had not only rescued the man and the young teen with him (presumably his daughter), who were coming home from a party but had also cleared the road for any others who might need to use it.

The weather made conversation difficult and so Eric doesn’t really know much about the man and the young girl that was with him. He couldn’t really tell if he had drunk too much before leaving the party or if the girl was truly his daughter. We don’t know why Macy even barked at that time. What we do know is that they needed help and Eric had the means to provide that help.

Can you imagine how they must have felt when they saw a skid-loader headed their way to rescue them? They probably felt pretty hopeless as they sat there in the dark, surrounded on all sides by wind and snow. But, for some reason, God had allowed us to be awakened so that Eric could help them, just when they needed it.

I think of how often something similar happens to us. How we are at the end of our rope and feeling so hopeless and then–just at the right time–we get the help or encouragement we need. Someone offers to bring a meal, or they let us know they are praying for us, or we receive a little note in the mail. They may take the kids for an evening or come sit quietly with us as we mourn.

There are millions of ways that God orchestrates to comfort, encourage, strengthen, and, yes, even rescue us. He does this most often through His people, who are His hands and feet, meeting the needs of fellow siblings in Christ, as well as the lost in this world who so desperately need Christ.

Sometimes we get to be the rescuer (as my husband did last night) and sometimes we need to be rescued.

It takes selflessness and love to be the rescuer.

It takes humility and grace to be rescued.

Oh, may we meet both of these situations in a way that honors God and points others to Him.

NOW… there are some common temptations for us in these two areas, aren’t there? Some common ways we respond that would not be from God–

Temptations for the would-be rescuer—

“Someone else can help them.”

“It’s just so inconvenient.”

“I don’t have time.”

“It might be dangerous.”

“I just don’t feel like helping.”

“I have more important things to do.”

“It’s too hard.”

Temptations for those who need rescued—

“What will people think of me?”

“I’m so embarrassed!”

“I don’t need help!”

“I can do this alone.”

“I should be able to handle this.”

But–here’s the thing– God has designed us to need each other. He has designed humans to fellowship with one another (I John 1:7); to encourage and edify one another (I Thess. 5:11); to love one another (John 13:34-35); to help gently restore each other when we are struggling with a sin (Galatians 6:1); to be kindly affectionate with brotherly love (we are family!) (Romans 12:10); to meet the needs of each other (Romans 12:13); to rejoice and weep with one another (Romans 12:15).

This gives us a beautiful picture of what being in God’s family should look like. I fear that in these days, it is more often like a bunch of disconnected people going to the same building for a few hours each week –like a big group who would attend a show or a concert but know nothing about one another. This is understandable as we live in a culture where so many of us do not even know our neighbors.

We aren’t going to change the culture or probably not even our churches, so what can we do? What should we do?

Since we don’t do what is right because we want to change something but, rather, because we want to obey the Lord we love, we simply choose to do what is right in whatever opportunities we are given.

This means putting aside our own selfish agenda and unwillingness to give of our time, money, and other resources (that aren’t ours, anyway) to reach out to help; to know the Word so we can encourage and point others to its treasure trove of help and promises.

It means casting aside our ugly pride and to stop worrying about what people think and, instead, graciously and gratefully accept help when we need it.

These things sound so easy, but, unfortunately, they often aren’t. Most of us are not naturally unselfish or humble. It is only by the Holy Spirit working in and through us that we grow in these areas. This is a lifelong journey as we seek to become more like Christ.

Only by casting selfishness and pride away can we be the family of God that He has designed us to be. Only by reaching out, helping, and accepting help when we need it can we be obedient to God’s Word.

May we give our efforts to building up the body of Christ, creating strong and loving bonds with our siblings in Christ. As the world continues on its downward spiral, I believe we are going to need each other more and more. Let’s be building the bonds of love now so that they are strong enough to withstand any storm that comes.

It Starts With Us

2 Comments / April 7, 2021 April 7, 2021

It seems like we live in a world where everyone is offended by something. They are offended by things you did in the past. Things you are doing now. And even who you innately are. They are offended by your words, by your actions, and by your choices.

And, just like a snowball that grows in force and speed as it rolls down a hill, so, too, this world where everyone is offended is growing quickly in epic proportions. (The snowball actually started a long time ago. We are simply watching it hurl towards the bottom of the hill now.)

But, as the church, are we really any different? It seems like we find the same dynamic there. People are offended because they weren’t asked to be on a committee or invited to a get-together. They are offended because the pastor doesn’t talk to them or didn’t say what they thought he should say. They are offended because something they donated years ago has been replaced. They are offended because the lady in the hat sings too loud.

It’s in families, where offended parties avoid each other. Where criticism reigns freely but grace is in short supply. Where differences of opinions about politics and religion and money cause chasms that can’t seem to be crossed.

It seems like anywhere we turn, people are just offended these days.

So how can we change this? Obviously there is little we can do. But there is a little we can do.

We can start with ourselves.

We can intentionally choose to not be offended. To let things roll. To give people grace. To stop being worried about ourselves and how we feel.

That’s the bottom line, isn’t it? Offended people are often consumed by themselves and how they feel.

Speaking from my own experience, when I feel offended, this is why. My pride or my feelings have been hurt and I am purely focused on myself.

But Christianity calls for the exact opposite of this.

God calls us to cast self aside and to esteem others better than ourselves.

Philippians 2:2-4 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. ⁴Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

God asks us to treat others like we would want to be treated.

Luke 6:31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

God tells us to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute and use us.

Matthew 5:44-47 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, ⁴⁵that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. ⁴⁶For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷And if you greet your^[p]brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the^[q]tax collectors do so?

God loved us so much that He sent His son to die for our sins. We are to respond to this gift with love–both for God and for others.

Mark 12:30-31 And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ ^[l]This is the first commandment. ³¹And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

We get a good description of this love in I Corinthians 13, where we read that it is long-suffering, doesn’t seek its own, and is not provoked (ESV version uses the word “resentful”).

I Corinthians 13:4-7 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not ^[b]puffed up; ⁵does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, ^[c]thinks no evil; ⁶does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

In fact, loving our Christian brothers is so important that we are told that we are a liar if we say we love God but hate a brother. Think about the ramifications of that for a moment.

I John 14:20-21 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, ^[d]how can he love God whom he has not seen? ²¹And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.

We also find in Matthew that if we don’t forgive those who trespass against us, God won’t forgive us our sins. That is a very indicting statement! This is how critical it is that we forgive others instead of our natural “old man” tendency to hold a grudge. This is an extremely big deal.

Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. ¹⁵But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

As we learn to respond to offenses in a manner worthy of being called a Christian, the wonderful effects of this will ripple out to our children and extended family. It will ripple out to our co-workers and church family. As we choose very intentionally not to be offended about every little thing or even about big things, we set an example that hopefully inspires others to do the same. As we choose to forgive instead of holding grudges, we help to create the warm and loving atmosphere that should be in every Christian home and biblical church.

We get to help instead of hinder.

We help to build our families and churches rather than tear them down.

This isn’t easy. And many are the times that I (personally) have to catch myself. I have to ask myself: Why am I so offended by this or that? When I take a moment to examine, it is always because of selfishness and pride. Oh, how ugly these things are. How much division and dissension they cause in Christian homes and churches.

As we face a world that is so offended all the time, may we true Christians stand out like beacons of light in the darkness as we choose to forgive and extend grace. And may this difference draw people to us and give us abundant opportunities to plant seeds for God’s Kingdom.

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Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. ¹⁸If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. ¹⁹Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it^[i] to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” ²⁰To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:17-21

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Random Thoughts on a Winter Morning

4 Comments / February 24, 2021 February 24, 2021

It is a cold winter morning. The ground is covered with snow and spring seems far away. Over the weekend I had the privilege of visiting Florida, where I drank in the warm sun and beautiful flowers that are still nonexistent where I live. I was grateful for those few days, as the winter here in Pennsylvania has been very long. We’ve had snow on the ground for many days and it’s been very cold. But spring is coming. It always does.

I spent the weekend in Florida with my two best friends from college. We have been dear friends for many years and can always pick up where we left off. They are both great examples of how to be a “pleasant traveling companion”. Their selflessness, kindness, and generosity made the weekend so pleasant. Not to mention our like-minded faith that has grown stronger through the years. True friends like this are rare and I am so thankful for them. Do we agree on every little thing? Of course not. But that is where grace comes in. Grace is most important in lasting friendships, is it not?

Grace is also critical to healthy family relationships, work relationships, and church family relationships. Without it we are petty, critical, and argumentative.

While in Florida, I had something really interesting happen to me that I wanted to share with you. On Saturday morning, I was laying in bed praying for a few moments before getting up. One of the things that I prayed was that God would give me an opportunity to talk to someone about Him. Now, honestly, I have to say I didn’t really expect Him to answer. I have to be up front about that. After all, I was in a place where I knew no one and, well…it just seemed pretty unlikely that this prayer would be answered.

But God…

That morning, we attended a baking class in the area. It was great fun and the teacher was an engaging older lady who made it both funny and interesting. In the midst of her demo she told us she was recently divorced after many years. She kind of said it off-hand but I could tell she was devastated. At the end of the class, she came up to me (Why me? Of all the people in the class, why me? I believe it is because of my prayer. There is no other reason. There is nothing special about me) and started talking about her broken marriage and her religion and gave me the perfect opportunity to plant seeds for the Gospel. I did what I could in a room full of people without a lot of time, but it didn’t feel like enough. Should I have said something different? I always come away feeling so inadequate in those situations. But I pray God will grow those seeds. Would you join me in praying for this woman? We will call her R. Pray that she will read the Bible and that her eyes would be opened to the Truth. She is disenamored with her current religion and seems to be really searching.

I don’t really know why I prayed that on Saturday. I don’t pray it often (even though I should!) but isn’t it amazing how God answered that prayer? When I am tempted to think God doesn’t care or that I can’t trust Him, I think about these faith-building moments. He surely does hear us. He hears us and He cares about us. It is a marvelous thing to comprehend!

It was nice to take a few days’ break away from reality. But I had to come back. And, honestly, I was glad to return. I missed my family and wouldn’t want to be gone from them much longer than a few days.

As I left the airport the cold air quickly reminded me that I was back in the land of winter. But spring will come again. Soon now, the snow will melt and the air will turn warmer. The trees will start to fill out with plump buds of green and the first flowers will slowly emerge from the soil. Winter never lasts forever.

I think that’s a good thing to remember, right now, in the midst of current events. It’s dark and it feels like the wind is getting brutally colder. But spring will come again. Most likely, it will come in the form of our eternal home. As we watch things take shape, we know that the end has to be near. But this, too, is in God’s Sovereignty. It’s funny to think most of us believed it would come but never contemplated that the last days plan would come to full fruition in our lifetime. But now I think most of us realize it very well could.

As we wait and watch for our Lord, may we be actively serving the Lord and sharing the Gospel. Now is not the time to sit twiddling our thumbs. I am convinced that there is little time left to us to go about the work of the Lord and there are so so many who still need to hear! There are so so many who need encouragement or who need “snatched from the fire.” Now is not the time to grow sluggish and lazy.

As we give our best, only God will keep us from stumbling. On our own, we are so weak and helpless. We will be presented blameless only because of our Lord Jesus Christ and certainly not due to any works of our own. This is the heart of the Gospel. Praise God for His amazing grace! But for Christ, we would be lost.

Now let’s unashamedly tell this to the world! They may hate us. They may marginalize us. They may grow frustrated. But we aren’t doing this for our own glory. We are doing it for God’s glory and because we love people. If we keep these things in mind, it will help make us stronger.

Let’s keep our focus on the Lord as we navigate this alternate universe. I will conclude with these important verses from Jude 17-25–

But you must remember, beloved, the predictions of the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ. ¹⁸They said to you, “In the last time there will be scoffers, following their own ungodly passions.” ¹⁹It is these who cause divisions, worldly people, devoid of the Spirit. ²⁰But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, ²¹keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. ²²And have mercy on those who doubt; ²³save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh.

²⁴Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, ²⁵to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time^[h] and now and forever. Amen.

Who Me? I’d Never Hold a Grudge…

4 Comments / October 6, 2020 October 6, 2020

Recently, I saw someone say something rather unkind to someone. The person being spoken to had every opportunity to get offended or defensive, but they just laughed and let it roll right off their back. The humility in that response was also played out in the next hours and days, never affecting the relationship.

Lord, I want to be like that.

How often do we allow harsh words, trivial disagreements, or gossip to destroy our relationships? How often do we let really big disagreements destroy them?

If we are a Christian, this just should not be.

We all know the scriptures, don’t we? We are to forgive others (Matthew 6:12-15; Luke 17:3; Colossians 3:13, etc) What we sometimes forget is that this isn’t just the big, ghastly things that are obvious.

This is about the sarcastic remark spoken to you by a family member.

This is about the harsh words lashed out after you made a mistake.

This is about the time that friend embarrassed you in front of everyone.

I believe grudge-holding is one of the worst and most accepted sins in the church today. For some reason, Christians seem to brush this sin aside.

Oh, many pretend they are okay but they start distancing themselves. Suddenly, they aren’t calling or texting that friend anymore. They are avoiding a family member. The relationship has changed, no matter what they say about forgiving that person with their mouth.

I think the current events have me thinking about this a bit more. There’s so much division. The opinions held by people are at extreme odds. Disagreements and ugly arguments are a regular part of social media these days. They may even be part of your own family or circle of friends.

And then there is the uncertainty. I mean we always knew way down deep inside that life can change in a second. If you’ve lost someone you love, you know this. But somehow, with everything up in the air and the future a deep, unsettled fog around us, it reminds us of what’s really important.

And our relationships rank pretty high up on the list of what’s important.

So what destroys them? Why do we let a thoughtless word or sarcastic comment get to us? Why do we struggle so to forgive?

I believe it can be summed up in one word: PRIDE.

Pride is deadly. The longer I live, the more deadly I realize it is. It makes us prickly and quick to defend ourselves. It is the root of all grudge-holding and of an unforgiving spirit.

The other evening, my family brought up something rather embarrassing about me in front of someone I didn’t know very well.

My normal reaction would be to defend myself and get a bit blustery about it. But at that moment, God gave me the strength to respond in the right way. I laughed with them and admitted my fault in what they were discussing.

A bit later, my husband commented on how well I had handled that moment.

You see, I don’t usually respond so well. It felt unnatural to do so. But, afterwards, I knew in my heart I had done the right thing.

Not only had I cast my pride aside, but I had set a good example for my family.

I don’t hold myself up as any icon of humility. This is abnormal for me. I am not saying “look at me”. I’m saying this is what happened one time and it was good. Why don’t I do it more often?? Why can’t I get over myself?

Look, we all have our good moments and bad moments, right? Our hope is that our good moments grow and our bad moments diminish. But sometimes we just need to examine our lives. Where are we at? How are we changing for the better? Are we looking more like Christ?

And one area that we often skip in our examinations is this area of relationships. Am I easily offended? Do I hold grudges? Do I get defensive? Can I laugh at myself?

So how do we build stronger relationships?

If being easily offended and pride and holding grudges and not forgiving destroys them then we can assume that the opposite builds them.

1. Let things roll. When someone says something hurtful, we must choose to just let it roll. Right off our backs and far away. We should ask the Lord to help us forget it and move on.

2. Be humble. A big part of humility is thinking of others. It is taking the focus off of ourselves (and our wounded pride) and thinking of others. We should offer lots of grace and cast that ugly pride aside. This is often much easier said than done!

3. Listen carefully to words spoken and then respond with love. Instead of letting ourselves get so defensive and offended, why not actually listen to see if there is a nugget of truth in the words being spoken? Perhaps God is using that person to show us an area in which we need to grow? We should listen instead of lash out. Listen and then respond with love.

4. Learn to laugh at ourselves. Life is just too short to get all uptight and offended about the small stuff. If someone tells an embarrassing story, we may as well just laugh along with them. After all, it was funny! I have so many of these. So does my mom. I’ve learned from her well. She just laughs along and sets the greatest example of not taking herself too seriously. I thank her for teaching me that.

5. Agree to disagree. We aren’t going to agree with everyone. We don’t have to prove we are right. Our job is to point people to the Word and let the Holy Spirit do the convicting and convincing. When we remember this, it makes it so much easier to step back after we’ve made our argument and just walk away.

6. Pray for a humble and forgiving spirit. Ask the Lord to fill you with humility. Ask Him to help you forgive not only big things but the little things, too, that may eat at you. He is so faithful and He will help you!

If you are like me, you are still working on these. And may we be very intentional in our efforts. May this be something at the forefront of our minds so that we don’t allow grudges or a defensive spirit to worm their way into our lives.

Because I think we can all agree: Life is just too short and relationships are far too precious for this.

Thinking Beyond the Obvious (Part 5)

4 Comments / July 29, 2019 September 7, 2023

This is Part 5 in a series that is exploring just how the world’s ways and philosophies sneak into our lives unawares. So often when people think of worldliness, it is with a very narrow definition. Perhaps they believe worldliness is equal to worldly entertainment and so they discern in this area, while letting the world affect their thinking in so many other areas. Perhaps they believe worldliness to equal materialism and so they are sure to live simply and generously, while worldly music and movies dominate their entertainment. You see, worldliness is not just one thing but it is a whole way of thinking that is anti-God.

The natural bent for all of us is to go towards the world. This is for a number of reasons. First, it is always easier to row downstream than upstream. When we become a believer we are rowing upstream and against the natural, sinful inclinations that we are born with. It is exhausting and takes a lot of effort. Second, we like to be like the world, insomuch that we don’t stick out and get made fun of. In other words, we want to be part of the crowd, even if it’s at the very edge. Otherwise, we look strange or eccentric or like some kind of fanatic. This is very important to most of us and this desire keeps many of us at the edges of the world hanging around the fence. And, third, and probably the biggest reason, is that the modern day false religion going by the name of Christianity says we can have salvation and keep the world, too. We can be like the world and still be saved, as long as we said “the prayer”. If one believes this, there is no reason to turn away from the world because they can have both things at the same time. Of course, this type of person can not possibly be in the Word because we can see over and over that this is not the case. But so many who would call themselves believers live in the world without nary a conviction because of the wave of easy-believism that has infected the ranks of true Christians in the last 50 or so years.

Today I want to take a look at how worldliness has seeped into our relationships. As I have been reflecting on this the past week, I became aware that there is far more world in the relationships of us believers than I first realized.

This will be hard to keep to a normal blog post length, but I am going to do my very best to be concise and to the point! Here we go–

8. RELATIONSHIPS. Relationships can be challenging under the best of circumstances. Even in a relationship where both are growing believers, there can be some hard moments. But, often, the holier we are the less challenges we will face. Each type of relationship has its own special challenges. But we can also find encouragement and guidance from scripture for each of these, as well, as we try to swim upstream in our relationships in a downstream world.

I want to take a look at a few of the most common relationships we all have and explore how the world’s thinking may be permeating them and then take a look at what the Bible teaches–

A. In Marriage

The World: In practice, the world promotes the woman as the head of the home, while the husband meekly follows her. While many men are involved with their kids (which is a good thing!) it is often in the capacity as servant to their wife’s desires. What she says he just does with very little leadership coming from him. I see this even in many Christian homes where the husband will just obey the wife, whatever she asks. This is completely opposite of what God designed for marriage.

The world would also tell us that our happiness is primary, so we are free to leave a marriage when it isn’t working for us. There are no parameters on this except for our own feelings of happiness.

A very loud minority of the world is demanding that marriage can be between any two consenting people, including those of the same sex. Even many who have called themselves Christians are abandoning God’s Holy Word and agreeing with this definition of marriage so that the minority is quickly becoming a majority with the onslaught of this philosophy literally coming at us from all angles.

What the Bible Says:

–On ROLES

God says that the man is to be the leader. Not only does he get to make the decisions but he also has to take responsibility for those decisions. I have always been glad that I am not a man! It is a real weight to bear if one is serious about their family’s well-being. Husbands are to love their wives and wives are to submit to their husbands. When it is done God’s way it is a beautiful thing. A wife well-loved finds it much easier to submit. God’s way always works best (Ephesians 5:22-24).

–On HAPPINESS

The only option to leave a marriage is if there is sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9). Our lack of happiness is never given as an acceptable reason to leave a marriage. I think there are many of you that could probably testify that some of your greatest spiritual growth has taken place through a really bad marriage. While we always must counsel young people to be oh, so careful in who they marry and while some marriages cannot be saved due to an unsaved or unwilling spouse, it is possible to grow and thrive spiritually in a bad marriage. And sometimes God will use this to bring an unbelieving spouse around. God speaks specifically to women regarding this in I Peter 3:1–Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

How important that we never give up hope, even in the midst of a bad marriage.

–On the DEFINITION OF MARRIAGE

Could there be anything more unpopular than speaking the words “I believe marriage is between one man and one woman”? And, yet, that is exactly what we find in scripture (Genesis 2:24). And, in fact, anything other than this is an abominable corruption of God’s design (Romans 1:26-27).

Marriage has been seriously attacked by the enemy. And he is winning in many places. How important that we do not allow him to win in our own homes! With time in the Word, prayer, and serious dedication to living a holy life, God will help us to navigate our marriage relationships.

Okay, I’ll be briefer with the last five. Promise!

B. Adult Children with Parents

I remember watching the interchange with someone with their elderly parent one day and was amazed and rather saddened at the lack of respect that was shown. While I am not yet dealing with elderly parents, I can only imagine that this would be a real challenge and frustration to adult children. And yet, as believers, we must respect our parents even when –or perhaps especially when–they grow old and frail. They have little dignity left and one way we can bless them is to continue to respect them and their desires.

The world says that there is no value in anything old. New is always better. This has filtered its way into how we feel about people. Youth is what matter in this culture while the elderly are often cast aside.

As adult children with parents, we can start to be affected by this worldly attitude and become disrespectful if we aren’t very careful. Of course, sometimes the disinterest and disrespect is a result of a parent who was always demanding or unkind getting their due, but, as believers, this is not an option for us–no matter what kind of relationship we have with our parents (Proverbs 20:29 and I Corinthians 13)

May we treat our parents with love and respect throughout all of their days.

C. With Friends

The world says friends are there to hang out, have fun, and party with. But God’s Word says something very differently. Who we hang around with is a very clear indication of our spiritual health. It is best to find friends who can help us grow and encourage us in our spiritual walk. A true friend will tell us the truth. If they see us going a wrong direction they will gently let us know and we will be thankful! (Proverbs 13:20; 27:5-6, and 27:17) Friendship between two believers is a truly wonderful thing!

D. With Co-Workers

The world says climb the ladder and step over whoever you want. The world says gossip and malign and tear down. But God says to consider others and to do nothing out of a selfish motive. God tells us to edify (build up) with our words. We should be a blessing and not a burden in the workplace. We should be the kind of person that people want to talk to instead of talk about. We should be the kind of person that gently steers the conversation a different way when the gossip is started in the break room (Philippians 2:3-4 and Proverbs 16:28).

When we are surrounded by unbelievers, it is so easy to become like them. Getting started in the Word each day and even memorizing some verses will help us remember that we are to be a light in a dark place.

E. In Broken Relationships/With Our Enemies

I touched on this a bit last time, but it bears repeating. The world will tell us that anyone that offends us or disagrees with us is our enemy and that we should treat them with ridicule, antagonism, and anger–maybe never even talk to them again. But, of course, we know that, as believers we are to respond completely opposite. We are to lovingly confront when we are upset and we are to forgive without measure. We are to extend grace to those who offend us and to those whom we disagree with. And when that same grace is not extended to us, we are to keep on loving that person anyway and “killing them with kindness” despite their ill treatment of us. This is far easier said than done and all of this–the grace, the forgiveness, the love–can only be done through the power of the Holy Spirit. There is no other way (Matthew 5:43-48; Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:31-32).

F. With Those in Authority

Whether it’s church leadership or a police officer or the boss at work, the general current consensus from the world is that “no one is going to tell me what to do!” You hear some form of this almost every day if you are out in the world. The lack of respect towards anyone in authority is astounding. But I guess not so much when you consider that the entertainment industry really breeds disrespect and rebellion. Think of what has been going on in pop culture since the 1960’s and it is pretty easy to see how we got here.

But the really sad thing is how this attitude has permeated the lives of Christians. No one is going to tell them what to do–even someone who holds a place of authority in their life.

When it all comes right down to it, the root of this is pride, plain and simple. There is a lack of humility and teachability in a person who is disrespectful and this breeds disrespect for the leaders that God has placed in his or her life.

But we are told in God’s Word that rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft! (I Samuel 15:23) That’s certainly a sobering thought, now, isn’t it?? And we are also told to show proper respect to everyone and to honor those in leadership (I Peter 2:17; Romans 13:1-7; I Thessalonians 5:12-13).

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I feel like each one of these would have been worth a whole post but I can’t write about this topic forever, right? I hope that this post has been helpful in getting you to think how worldliness may be affecting how you view certain relationships. Just one more way the world has seeped into our hearts and lives–sometimes without us even realizing it!

**If this series on worldliness is a blessing to you would you consider letting me know? It is so hard to know if what I am writing is helpful–especially when it comes to a series…

(You can find the entire series at this link.)

Don’t Let Anyone Steal Your Peace This Holiday Season

6 Comments / November 19, 2018 November 19, 2018

Good morning! It is the Monday before Thanksgiving. As I thought about this holiday, I wondered how I could encourage a thankful heart in a new and different way that improves upon all that is out there. I decided I can’t so I am going to go a little different direction. But first, I wanted to take a few moments today to let you know of a few upcoming things here at Growing4Life–

First, the Growing4Life 2018 Christmas story is coming! Starting this Friday, I will share one part for the next five Fridays. The final part and ending will be posted on Friday, December 21. This year’s story is called Mending Fences and is about two sisters and how forgiveness changes everything. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

Second, I have decided on the Growing4Life 2019 Bible Reading Challenge. (Can you believe it’s going to be 2019?? Where does the time go?) For next year’s challenge, we will be doing a chronological Bible read through. I did this 4 years ago for my 2015 Challenge. I have decided to do it again, because I think it it vital for every Christian to read through the Bible at least once. Reading through the Bible gives fundamental understanding and insight into God’s plan and story that one just cannot get in any other way.

Providing the G4L Challenge and an accompanying Facebook group where we can share and discuss what we are reading is my way to help and support my readers in this endeavor for anyone who desires to do this. I hope to get the details out for the new challenge within the next week or two. I do hope that many of you will join me!

I honestly don’t really know how many of you out there actually even read my posts (especially you, my subscribers, as emails just land in boxes and probably mostly go unread) but it continues to be my hope to be an encouragement for believers to walk with God in submission and obedience and to be a light that points people to the Word of God as their authority and guide in a culture that’s growing increasingly darker. I hope that both this year’s Christmas story and the 2019 Bible Reading Challenge will do just this.

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Now, for a few thoughts that may be a little different this Thanksgiving. Holidays can be a bit rough on many of us. Unsaved or deceived family members and friends can challenge or discourage us at gatherings. They can keep us from enjoying ourselves and we let them mess with our peace.

I was struggling with something the other day. Someone had responded unkindly to me and my dad shared with me something my Grandpa used to say. It was something like this–

Don’t let someone else and their problems steal your peace.

Have you ever thought how often we have done this? At least, I have. Someone is mean or angry with me and that affects my mood. Next thing you know I am short with my husband or someone else close to me.

It reminds me of a time a lady called us on Christmas Day because we hadn’t plowed her driveway yet. She was a widow with nowhere to go and she was angry because we hadn’t been there yet. As my heart grew defensive within me and I wanted to start yelling at her, I remembered something: Her husband had just died. She was lonely and hurting and this was her response. So many people get angry in response to deep hurts.

We need to remember that–

People always do what they do for a reason.

As believers, let’s show extra grace. They may be hurting. Or they may be caught up and deceived by a wrong philosophy. Whatever it may be, our response, as believers, is to have lots of grace and mercy, just as God has for us. Let us love even the unlovable because God loves us. For remember, God loved us when we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8).

Another thing to consider is this: If you have your mind set in a certain direction, what will be most likely to change it? Harsh, angry, words of debate and argument or kind, thoughtful words that encourage respectful discussion?

We live in a world that is increasingly divided. Whether it’s politics, personal rights, or false teachers, there are a million opinions out there. But the only opinion that matters is God’s. What does the Bible say? But, even as we try to share what scripture says, may we be respectful, kind, and loving. As God gives us opportunities, let us not grow angry or insistent. Only God can change a heart. That is not our responsibility.

So as we meet together with friends and family that may have differing opinions, let’s love them. Let us have unending grace. And let’s point them to scripture if and when the “hot” topics come up. Let us not allow anyone to make us frustrated or angry. Or to steal our peace. Let’s not give them that power. I do know that this feels almost impossible but the truth is that it is our choice.

And then, at the end of the day, when we have made the right choice, we can walk away in peace, knowing we have done the right thing, no matter what their response.

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I wish you all a wonderful Thanksgiving! I am so thankful for all of you, but particularly those of you that have taken your precious time to share that you appreciate what I do here at Growing4Life. Blogging about discernment and living a holy life in these difficult days is a rather lonely and discouraging thing and those of you that have encouraged me have been used by God to keep me going. God’s timing on your notes, emails, and Facebook messages has been incredible and I always marvel at this. So thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for encouraging. And thank you for being part of the Growing4Life family of believers. Let us continue to stir one another up to love and good deeds as we march forth as soldiers of the Cross!